On being thirty-nine // A poem (of sorts)

It’s my birthday today. I hope you don’t mind a little self-indulgence in the form of a poem, expressing my thoughts on the matter.

Thirty-nine years old

One more year to forty

I am tired

I feel so very old

Who am I now though

At 39 years old?

A wife

A teacher? (not any more)

A mother above all

But where have I gone?

The girl who liked drinking

And going out with friends

Who liked dancing and singing

Staying up late

And sleeping all day

She is gone

Lost beneath the weight of responsibility

Suffocated by the neediness of her young

Consumed by tiredness and too much chocolate

I look in the mirror

I don’t like what I see

I am old

I am fat

I am weary

But ask my boys what do they see?

They see mummy

They see love

They see cuddles and kisses

They see bedtime stories and playing with dinosaurs

They see building towers so big you can’t reach the top

They see laughter and happiness

They see a better me

Ask my husband what does he see?

He sees beauty and kindness

He sees a soul that he loves

He sees me before, and now

He loves them both, all of me

Thirty-nine years old

Time to change

To be healthy (less cake would be a good start)

To be happy

To be the best me I can be

To be the me that they see

 

On being 39, a poem

7 thoughts on “On being thirty-nine // A poem (of sorts)

  1. Beautiful poem; I especially love the idea of ‘he loves them both’ – a love which grows and strengthens to encompass all that you were and all that you are. #SharingTheBlogLove
    (p.s. I miss the old me who would sleep all day too!)

  2. I love this Sarah! You are so right this is what children see when they look at their mummy and I know my husband would agree with you too, he is always saying he doesn’t see what I see. I need to embrace my age more! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  3. What a lovely poem, focusing on the positives and negatives love how the children see their mummy. Start saving for the big 40 and enjoy it #sharingthebloglove

  4. This is so beautiful. I think we all feel like that sometimes when we look in the mirror, but you’re right, that’s not what our children and loved ones see at all. Maybe it is time to start seeing ourselves through their eyes x
    #SharingtheBlogLove

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