Homesick for my old life

I’m writing this on the train, on my way home from a lovely night in Dunfermline. Dunfermline, the place I called home for 13 years until we upped sticks and moved back to the north west last summer. And as I leave I’m feeling a bit homesick for my old life – can you even be homesick for a place that isn’t home anymore?

View of the Forth Road bridges from the train

Before we moved, I was involved in local musical theatre. I was in about 10 different musicals in the time I lived here but the last one was before I got pregnant with Gabe. This week the company I used to be in were performing Priscilla Queen of the Desert so I decided to come up for a night to see the show. It was also a chance to catch up with some of my old friends as I joined the cast and crew at the Chinese buffet after the show.

I had a lovely night. The show was brilliant, it was fab to see my friends, and I got an uninterrupted night’s sleep in a hotel! But as I walked back to the station this morning to catch the train home to my boys I realised just how much I miss living here.

I don’t doubt we’ve made the right decision to move back to England. It’s brilliant being so close to my parents and the boys love seeing Grandma and Grandad every week. I like our house and I’m excited to keep improving it and making it our perfect family home. Barry is happier in his new job, and I’m sure I’ll find a job soon enough too.

But watching the show last night, watching everyone having so much fun singing and dancing up on the stage, I felt a pang of sadness that I wasn’t up there with them. It wasn’t just the performing (all though I miss that too) but it’s that feeling of being a part of something.

I miss my friends. I miss seeing people who I have known for a long time, people I have a history with.

I miss having friends who knew me before I was married, before I was a mum. Who knew me when I was just Sarah, just me.

And as I walked through the town I realised I missed it a little bit too. I know we’ve moved back to the place I grew up (or close to anyway) but that place has changed so much since I last lived there that it doesn’t much feel like home either.

And I know, that as the months and years pass, I’ll feel more settled in our new home. The boys will go to school, I’ll make new friends and maybe one day I’ll even get back on stage! But for now I’m a little bit homesick for my old life, and my old friends, for a place where my boys were born and where I spent a big chunk of my adult life.

5 thoughts on “Homesick for my old life

  1. I think this is so normal. I missed where we used to live for such a long time – and it wasn’t even that far away compared to how far you’ve moved. Just make sure you meet up with those friends regularly đŸ™‚ x

  2. Homesickness is something that I believe we can all be diagnosed with once in our lives, in my case, it happens a lot. Not that I’m a momma or a daddy’s girl. I think that I, like many, just miss the comfort, security and simpleness that come with living with ones parents. We are not expected to pay rent, chip in for food and we do not have to have a job. When we live with our parents we cannot wait to get out of there and be on our own. Now, I am considered an independent adult. I can’t think of the word I dislike the most, independence or adult, both are equally horrible. When I first received my Bachelor’s degree, I couldn’t wait to go out and find a job, live on my own, do what I want, when I want, where I want, once again I found myself wanting less, not more. I wanted nothing more than to desert my apartment, my bills, my responsibility, my life and go home and live with my parents, knowing they would take care of me. I found myself so angry with myself, why did I have to move to a different city, forget the different city, why did I have to move to a different state? This once again, simply, homesickness.

    I think that we are all going to experience homesickness at one time or another. Then, when we have children and they get old enough to leave our homes, or run from our homes (we’ll take this on a case by case basis) we will then experience that awesome empty nest syndrome to where the kids are out of the house and we will have to find a hobby. That or we can just plop in front of the television and watch sports twenty four hours a day, or there is the inevitable learning to cook gray substance that has to be choke back, followed by a forced smile and lots of ketchup on top to mask the taste, and if you are good enough at it you can cover the smell as well.

    Cheers then.

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