I have two wonderful boys – I love them more than I ever could have imagined, but there is absolutely no way we will be giving them a brother or sister and expanding our family. There are many reasons why I won’t be having a third baby and here are just a few of them…
I only ever wanted two children, I have an older brother and I always saw myself with two kids when I thought about the future.
Until I had Toby I think I had only ever held a baby a couple of times before. I had never changed a nappy, or fed a baby and when we brought him home from the hospital at just over 24 hours old I didn’t have a clue what I was doing! Two babies later I’m obviously a lot more competent but do you know what? (and here’s my controversial bit) *whispers* I don’t really like babies very much.
I’ve never been one to coo over other people’s babies very much. I mean, babies don’t really do anything do they? Maybe if my two had been a bit easier (and we’ll get to that in a minute) then I would think differently but I could not put myself through looking after a completely helpless newborn again.
Probably the biggest reason we won’t be having another baby (well, it’s sort of two reasons but they are definitely connected) is reflux. Reflux and sleep. I didn’t really know anything about reflux until Toby was born, but after six awful weeks he was diagnosed with silent reflux and put on medication. I’m not going to go into the whole reflux story as I’ve written about it a lot before but Toby was medicated for reflux until he was two and a half. Apart from a brief spell between 2 and 4 months old, he also didn’t sleep through the night until he was two and a bit. Which meant that when Gabe was born, as well as a newborn to contend with, we also had a toddler who would wake a few times every night too.
And when Gabe came along we hoped that things would be different but at just a few days old we realised that he had reflux too. His is actually worse than Toby’s was and at 25 months old he still has two different kinds of medication for his reflux. And it’s only in the last few months that he has started sleeping through the night, sometimes.
So, if you count the pregnancy insomnia, I had over four years of sleepless nights. Everyone expects sleepless nights with a newborn, but when you’re getting in to years of sleep deprivation it starts taking its toll.
Reflux is hell. I think you can only know if you’ve been through it just how soul destroying it is to have a baby who doesn’t sleep, or who only sleeps when they’re lying upright on you, who cries pretty much constantly and who you can see arching their back in pain when there is nothing you can do to help.
In a way I think I’m lucky that I don’t want another baby. I don’t feel broody when I see other people with babies, there’s no twinge in my ovaries. Because even if I really did want another baby, I don’t think I could risk having another reflux baby and another two years of sleepless nights.
I am actually so happy that the baby days are behind us. Gabe is talking more and more these days and it’s so much easier now he can communicate more. Toby is at school and learning so much. They are both brilliant little boys and I can safely say our family is complete.
I think I will always carry a little sadness that I will never know what it is like to be the mother of a daughter, but I wouldn’t change my boys for anything.
How many children do you have? Did you know when you were done….or are you not yet?
I’m taking part in #Blogtober and posting every day in October – you can read the rest of my posts here. You can also read the rest of today’s #Blogtober posts over on Hexmum blog here.
Great, honest post. I’m stopping at two but far more reluctantly – I just don’t think my body would handle another pregnancy. I hear you on the reflux. My first had it and it was awful. Luckily my second was a ‘happy puker’ though. I’m glad you feel happy with your decision and don’t feel any broodiness, and here’s a secret … nappy changes aside, having a daughter isn’t that much different to having a son!
I absolutely love your brutal honesty! I have the one, my beautiful miracle baby and I don’t think I will be lucky to be blessed with another baby. But if I could I would probably have one more, then stop at two! Two is a nice number.
Fab post! When I had my first I didn’t have a clue about babies either. It’s crazy they let new mothers loose with little humans. hahaha
I’m done with babies. My girls are 10 & 15 and are nearly independent. I couldn’t go back to nappies, night feeds and weaning. x
Such an honest post. I’m not sure if I’m done or not. I don’t feel done but then equally I like it now little I is growing up. Shes been a lot more of a handful than J, so what if another was worse still?
I am totally with you on this and definitely happy with 2, if I HD anymore Mt anxiety would push me over the edge X #Blogtober17
I have three boys and that is us done (not through chocie), none of had reflux but I have a lot about it and have an idea at how difficult it is. I think two is a nice number x
Lovely, honest writing my love. I’ve got two girls, my eldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was THREE so totally feel your pain. My second is 5 months old and wakes every 2 hours on a good night. That being said, I’d love a third. We can’t afford a third baby but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to looking at my baby and wanting another, even though HG during both pregnancies sucked!
I have two and that was perfect for me, mine both slept through (at a very early age) but that wasn’t influential. I just knew I had my complete family, and we couldn’t afford more even if we had wanted. We think my new grandson has reflux, its horrible. His bigger brother had collic, that was awful too, even though we did everything we could it doesn’t stop it completely #blogtober17
I 100% see why you don’t want any more!! I have two and I would totally go in for more! I just love Babies!!! #blogtober17
I just have the one & much to everyone’s disappointment, we’re pretty happy the way we are. He also had reflux as a baby so I totally understand how hard that can be. #sharingthebloglove
I’m completely with you. I have two boys now and I never wanted more than two children. Add in the fact that I hate being pregnant (very very sick the whole way through) and I don’t function well on lack of sleep and I have zero desire to go through this again. We’re also struggling with reflux, although thankfully the medication Ben is on now does seem to work most of the time. The thing that has surprised me though, is that, lack of sleep aside, I am actually enjoying the baby stage this time in a way I never did last time – like you, I’ve never been a baby person, but I’m absolutely besotted with Ben, he’s the most charming little baby! (I realise I’m totally biased in this!) Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
I’ve got two girls. Like you I don’t coo over other people’s babies but knew I’d feel differently when I had my own. My hubby is the eldest of three as am I but with border line type 2 Diabetes we may stick to two. – Lovely to see you at the Tots100 event recently #SharingtheBlogLove
I have 2 girls and I’m done! I don’t think me or my body could go through a third pregnancy. It nearly broke me second time around. I love having my 2 girls and life does get easier over time. I can’t go back to the beginning again. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
I can relate so much to this, although my reasons do slightly differ I must admit that I am (now that I have come to terms with no more babies) looking forward to the future and happy that the helpless sleepless nights are behind us too. I have gone from being a bit sad to being excited for the future x #sharingthebloglove
I’m with you, girl! Two is PLENTY to deal with. The lack of sleep is brutal and I wish that the end of that is coming soon for you!
#sharingthebloglove
Sleep deprivation is awful and especially brutal when it goes on for years. My eldest had reflux for a while and I remember how utterly exhausting it was to deal with. I can well imagine that having to deal with it longer term for two children would put you off the thought of having a third. I have to admit I’m still undecided about whether to stop at two or go for three though. #sharingthebloglove
I think it’s such a nice feeling to know that you’re done. I wrote a similar post myself about how I know that we’re done at two… but recently I’ve started feeling broody (eek!) – I think it’s because my youngest will be going to nursery soon and I can’t believe the baby days are over for good. I must stand firm. Don’t look at the babies! Hahahaha #sharingthebloglove
I’m totally with you on this. I’m having a bit of struggle with 2, not sure what a third baby thrown in to the mix would do to me!