3 October , 2015 - Sarah 13 Comments

Breastfeeding: The beginning of the end

I’ve tried. No one can say I haven’t tried. But as I sit here at 5 am having been feeding a baby for the last hour and twenty minutes I think this is the beginning of the end for breastfeeding and me.

In fact, the beginning of the end was probably when I gave Gabe formula when he was just a day old. Or maybe it was when I started using nipple shields on his second feed. Or perhaps when a second or third bottle in the day became the norm rather than the exception about a week ago. Who knows?

I think maybe though that breastfeeding and me are just not meant to be. For me it’s just not the wonderful experience all the breastfeeding literature and baby books tell you it’s going to be. In fact, dare I say it, I simply don’t like it. I don’t feel any special bond with my baby as we sit ‘enjoying’ those breastfeeding cuddles. What I often feel is pain (because yes, even seven weeks on, with nipple shields, it still hurts half the time), and frustration that it takes so long to feed a baby in the way nature intended when I could bottle feed him in a third of the time. I don’t know, maybe cave women didn’t have much to do with their days so they could sit around feeding all day but I have a toddler to look after and a house to run and I just can’t sustain breastfeeding my baby for endless hours of every day.

I know everyone talks about the convenience of breastfeeding; no bottles to wash and sterilise, no formula to prepare, no need to plan ahead because you’ve always got milk on tap, and I suppose it is all those things but when every feed takes over an hour, feeding in public involves trying to get a baby latched on to a nipple shield without showing everyone your entire boob…then suddenly it’s not that convenient after all.

So I don’t really know where we’re going to go from here. I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time. Gabe is already getting half his feeds from a bottle and I reckon by the time he gets to 8 weeks old we won’t be breastfeeding at all.

And yes, it makes me a bit sad. I really hoped that breastfeeding was going to work out for us this time. By Toby’s six week check I wasn’t breastfeeding him at all so we’ve already made it further than that. So Toby was formula fed from about five weeks and he’s turned out OK and I’m sure Gabe will too. There’s still plenty to be proud of; that we made it this far, that I’ve managed to breastfeed in the park, and in the Night Garden(!), that I’ve tried my best to find a balance that works for all of us. I think I just need to accept that breastfeeding and me are not meant to be. But no one can say I didn’t try.

17 September , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 2 Comments

Gabriel is one month old

One month old already, and what a month it’s been! I’m not going to lie, this month has been really hard, but I’ve already written about that here.

There have been some lovely moments this month too like seeing Toby giving his brother a kiss on the head is adorable, and he often does it without any prompting. Toby has also learnt to say ‘Gabe’ now too and when he sees him in the morning or after nursery he says ‘hello Gabe’ – too cute! And although they have been a bit few and far between, those newborn snuggles are very sweet too.

Gabe is mostly still just feeding and sleeping (although mostly feeding!). We are still breastfeeding, but have introduced a bottle of formula at about 7pm so Barry can give him that while I put Toby in bed. We might have to give another bottle of formula during the day too as although Gabe is gaining weight it’s not quite as much as we would like. He was 7lb 3oz yesterday which is only 6oz more than when he was born and he has dropped from between the 9th and 25th centiles down to the 2nd. Considering the amount he is feeding he should really be putting on a bit more weight. I really do want to carry on with the breastfeeding but if he needs formula then I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I went to see a lactation consultant yesterday and she was great. She checked Gabe for any issues and basically said it seems like I’m producing quite a lot of milk but because Gabe isn’t that good at getting the milk from me yet that’s why he’s always wanting to feed and isn’t gaining that much weight. She gave me some things to try to see if we can improve matters and hopefully as Gabe gets bigger he’ll get better at feeding too.

We still think Gabe has silent reflux as well – he’s now on ranitidine (which is the same medicine Toby has) but it’s difficult to know if it’s really making any difference. We found he was starting to bring up most of the feed when we used normal formula so have now switched to anti-reflux formula which is much better.

So there have been a few issues to contend with, and probably one of the hardest months of my life, but Gabe is starting to be awake and alert a bit more now and I know it won’t be too long before he will start interacting more too. It makes the difficult bits a lot easier to deal with when you at least get a smile for your troubles!

7 September , 201527 July , 2017 - Sarah 4 Comments

Review: Tots Bots PeeNut

Regular readers among you will know I am a massive fan of cloth nappies. Toby has been wearing cloth since he was about seven weeks old and Gabe was just three days old when he wore his first reusable nappy! We have a few brands of nappies that we use regularly – after a bit of trial and error in the early days we found what worked for us and have pretty much stuck to it ever since. Tots Bots Bamboozles have been our go to night nappies since we started with cloth so when we were given the opportunity to try a brand new nappy system from Tots Bots (and before it was even available to the public!) I was eager to give it a try.

So what exactly have we been trying out? The new PeeNut from Tots Bots is a birth-to-potty, day-to-night nappy system. It is made up of a waterproof cover with pop-in inserts. The wraps and inserts will be available to buy separately or as a set (I will include some pricing info at the end of this post). The wraps come in two sizes; size 1 fits from 6-18lb and size 2 from 9-35lb. Both sizes have Velcro fastening and poppers on the front which allow you to adjust the rise to fit smaller babies.

The day-to-night inserts are a set of two bamboo boosters with poppers at one end. One insert is bigger than the other and this clever system allows you to use either of the inserts on their own or popper them together and use both, depending on the age of your baby and how heavy a wetter they are. The wraps have flaps at each end to keep the inserts in place and a wipe clean inside, so if the nappy is only wet you can change the inserts and reuse the cover – meaning less washing to be done!

With two boys in cloth nappies we were sent two size 1 covers, four size 2 covers and eight day-to-night insert sets to try, along with a pack of fleece liners and a roll of disposable liners. Although the size 1 cover is suitable from 6lb it is still too big for my very skinny-legged boy so we haven’t been able to try the PeeNut out with Gabe just yet.

We have been using the PeeNut nappy system with Toby for a couple of weeks now though and so far I’m very impressed. Toby weighs 30lb at the moment so is towards the top end of the range for the size 2 covers but they are a great fit and probably will be for a good while yet. For daytime we have been using both inserts together and they have easily lasted three or four hours with no leaks. The real test for us though was night time. Toby usually sleeps for about 13 hours so his nappy really needs to be able to cope with that. As I mentioned before our usual night time nappy is a Tots Bots Bamboozle using the included bamboo booster and a hemp booster, covered with a Tots Bots Stretchy Wrap or a Blueberry Coverall. By morning the nappy and boosters are usually soaked and we quite often have small leaks from around the legs. I was slightly skeptical then that the PeeNut would be able to cope overnight with Toby’s toddler wees. However, I was pleasantly surprised. I used both inserts, with the top one folded in half towards the front and our usual hemp booster underneath and we haven’t had any leaks at all! All the inserts have been soaked by morning but we haven’t even had a slight damp patch. Toby seems very comfortable too – the PeeNut is very slim fitting, even with an extra booster, so I would imagine it is more comfortable for Toby to sleep with than his normal bulky night time nappy.

Although the PeeNut system is designed so you can just change the inserts and reuse the cover, I have to admit I have changed the whole nappy every time. However, this is just personal preference and because we have plenty of nappies so I don’t really need to reuse the cover. If you are planning on doing so though I would recommend you have a new cover with the inserts already popped in ready to go and then give your used cover a wipe and leave it to air a bit before using it at the next nappy change. The PeeNut wraps and inserts have washed well with the rest of our nappies – the inserts can be tumble dried on low (and I have to admit most of our nappies have been going in the drier lately, a combination of Scottish summer weather and a newborn means there hasn’t been much chance to get them on the line!). I did dry some inserts on the airer inside to see how long they would take and they were dry in under 24 hours which is what I would expect from bamboo – it’s super absorbent but that does mean it takes a while to dry.

Overall I have been really impressed with the Tots Bots PeeNut nappy system. Most importantly we have been able to use it both day and night without any leaks, but it is also a great slim fit. Because you don’t need as many covers as you do inserts the PeeNut is also a really cost effective way of using cloth nappies.

The PeeNut nappy system has an RRP of £15.99 (plain) or £17.99 (print) for a wrap and day-to-night insert set. Wraps are available separately with and RRP of £10.99 (plain) or £12.99 (print). Extra inserts are £6.99. There is also a mini pack which includes 2 wraps and 4 sets of inserts (RRP £42.99) and a complete birth-to-potty kit which includes 8 wraps, 16 insert sets, a laundry bucket and mesh liner, a wet bag, Tots Bots Potion detergent and a roll of disposable liners (RRP £195.99)

**Disclosure: I was sent the featured products in return for this review. All opinions are my own. This post contains affiliate links.

25 August , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 1 Comment

Gabriel is one week old

I can hardly believe it but Gabriel (or Gabe as we have taken to calling him) has been here a whole week. I know everyone says this but on the one hand it hardly seems a minute since he was born but on the other it feels like he’s been part of our family forever.

There have been lots of lovely moments this week, but it has been very hard at times too. A couple of weeks ago Barry and I were lying in bed and we were trying to remember how difficult we found the first few weeks with Toby. We were thinking if we tried to remember we would be more prepared and able to cope this time round. And I kind of think we are. It’s certainly not quite as much as a shock as having a baby for the first time and some things, like changing nappies, bathing and dressing are a lot easier this time round. But there are lots of things that are just as hard.The lack of sleep doesn’t get any easier, and this time we’ve got the worry that Toby will wake up in the night too and then we have him to deal with too. He’s only woken up on two nights since Gabe arrived but both times he was up for almost two hours. I was feeding Gabe so couldn’t go to him but when Barry went to him he was just sobbing ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ over and over. I was trying to feed Gabe, which I had been doing pretty much constantly for the previous nine or ten hours. He was fussing and wouldn’t latch on, Toby was crying, I was crying… Listening to both my babies crying for me at the same time and not being able to help either of them was I think the single hardest thing I have ever done. Eventually we decided that Barry would give Gabe a little bit of formula so I could go to Toby and get him settled and back asleep. Not the ideal solution but it was the best we could do at the time.

Generally though Toby has been an absolute superstar with his new brother this week. He was a little shy around him the first few days and I think he was quite confused about how he got here, and that he didn’t go away. But he has been so gentle with him, giving him kisses and bringing him toys. It’s just adorable. His language has come on even more this week too. He’s being very helpful, taking cups back to the kitchen and putting things in the bin, all accompanied by his new phrase and the cutest thing I’ve heard – ‘I will do it’. This weekend, for the first time ever, Toby just fell asleep next to me on the sofa. He has only ever napped in his cot or in the car or buggy, and hasn’t been napping at all for the last month or so. Maybe he got the idea from his brother that a nap on mummy’s knee would be a good idea!

Anyway, this is supposed to be a post about Gabe, not Toby! On the whole Gabe seems to be a pretty contented, settled baby so far. He won’t sleep anywhere except lying on my breastfeeding pillow, either on someone’s knee or on the sofa. We’ve tried putting him like that in his crib (which I know is not a great solution either) but he just seems to wake up straight away. This means that since he was born either Barry or I have been awake the whole time, with the exception of a couple of hours when Gabe has managed to sleep in our bed and we have both slept too. I know that not wanting to be put down is all part and parcel of being a newborn and I’m trying not to get too stressed about it for now but I do hope we can find some way for us all to get some sleep at the same time before Barry has to go back to work in a few weeks.

I’m really pleased with how breastfeeding is going so far with Gabe. I didn’t have a great time of breastfeeding Toby (you can read about it here if you’re interested) so I was hoping we would have more success this time. I’ve still had difficulty getting him to latch, just like I did with Toby – I think it’s just a combination of small babies and my anatomy. I started using nipple shields on the first day this time though, which has helped enormously. Gabe can feed without too much trouble and I have avoided my nipples being shredded. I saw one of the NHS breastfeeding support workers last week and even she, after watching and trying help me get Gabe to latch just said ‘you know what, if it means that you carry on breastfeeding then just use the shields for now’. We also supplemented with formula a few times before my milk came in. Again, from experience with Toby I didn’t want Gabe to lose too much weight and I could tell he was struggling to be satisfied just from my colostrum and my milk didn’t come in properly until about day 5. So feeding itself is going well but we have been having epic cluster feeds every night which are quite hard to cope with. On Friday night I started feeding Gabe at about half four in the afternoon and I don’t think I had more than half an hour between feeds until 12 hours later! We’ve settled into a bit of a routine now in that I feed breastfeed as much as Gabe wants through the evening, usually manage a couple of hours sleep between about 9 and 11pm then feed again until about 2am. At this point Gabe has been getting really fussy and hard to latch on and I’ve reached my limit of being able to stay awake so we give him a little bit of formula and that seems to settle him enough to sleep until the morning. Hopefully as he gets a bit bigger we might be able to stop these top ups, or I am also going to trying to express a bit so we can give him expressed milk instead of formula. For now though I’m just happy that I am managing to breastfeed at all, and for the most part without any real problems.

I’m going to leave it there for now – it’s been a difficult first week at times but it’s also been amazing to see this little boy who I have been carrying for the last nine months and I’m very happy that our family is now a happy family of four. I’ll leave you with this picture of my boys in their matching nappies – I’m so pleased that we got Gabe in cloth nappies from the first week – and they’re so cute!

21 August , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 9 Comments

Gabriel: a home birth story

So, you can read about what happened in the run up to labour in this post and I’m going to continue the story here…

Having told Barry and my parents I didn’t think anything was going to happen that night we went to bed at about 10pm and I was hoping labour might start the next morning when Toby was in nursery and we’d had a full night’s sleep. But as I lay in the dark I realised that the cramps I’d been having earlier were perhaps getting a bit stronger and more regular. I found the contraction timer on my pregnancy app and counted as I had three mild contractions over the next 20 minutes. The procedure for a home birth was that I call the consultant led unit at the hospital who would get in touch with the on call midwife. I decided it was probably a good idea to give them a ring and let them know what was happening.

I spoke to the hospital at about 10:40 pm and they said they would get the on call midwife to give me a ring. By the time she rang 40 minutes later my contractions were 5-6 minutes apart and with my history of a quick labour she decided she better get changed back out of her pyjamas and come over. While we were waiting for the midwife we got together all the things I’d prepared and put a waterproof mattress protector and old sheet over the sofa, just in case my waters decided to go when I wasn’t expecting it!

The midwife arrived not long after midnight. After a quick chat she felt my tummy – the baby was still head down and well engaged. She then listened in to the baby’s heartbeat. His heart rate was a little low – it should be between 120 and 150 bpm and the baby’s was only 104. Heart rates in babies fluctuate a lot though so the midwife said she would do an internal examination then check again. The internal revealed my cervix was soft and thinned but still only 1-2cm dilated. I knew this didn’t mean much though – with Toby I went from 3cm to having him 3 hours later so I knew this time things could progress just as quickly if not quicker.

The midwife checked the heart rate again. It was up slightly but still only 108 bpm. At this point the midwife advised us that if the heart rate didn’t pick up soon then we would be better off in hospital so he could be more closely monitored. I decided it was probably a good time to get my mum and dad over so they could watch Toby if I did need to go in.

Of course when the midwife checked again just after I hung up the baby’s heart rate was up to something like 126 bpm and it stayed up there for the rest of my labour! While all this was happening my contractions were still coming and getting a bit stronger each time. I was coping fine with the pain at this point just using the breathing techniques I had been taught at the pregnancy yoga classes I went to. The midwife decided we would probably be OK to stay at home so she started unpacking all the kit she needed. There was quite a lot of bumping and banging and Toby actually woke up and cried at one point but thankfully he got himself back to sleep quickly.

Over the next hour we found a Star Wars documentary to watch – a bit random I know but there’s not much on TV in the early hours of the morning. I had a go at bouncing on my birthing ball which was comfortable between contractions but I actually found standing up and leaning on the arm of the sofa whilst rocking my hips was the most comfortable place to have a contraction for this part, I had my TENS machine on by now too but only on about level 4 on the first programme (of which there were 3, and they went up to level 50!), I concentrated on my breathing and pressed the boost button every time I contracted, which was getting to be more and more frequently. The midwife was still checking the baby’s heart rate with the doppler every 15 minutes. It stayed in the normal range which was great but pressing the doppler into my bump started to get really uncomfortable and annoying!

About 1:30 am my mum and dad turned up. After a quick hello they headed upstairs to bed (although my mum didn’t actually sleep for the rest of the night – I suppose it must be quite weird listening to your daughter give birth and be wondering what is happening.) Around this point Barry cleared space on the living room floor in front of the sofa and covered the floor with some waterproof mats we used to use when Toby was weaning, along with an old sheet and some towels. I took up the position where I ended up staying for most of the rest of my labour – kneeling in front of the sofa, leaning forward onto a cushion. This was the same position I had Toby in too – I guess that’s just what works for me. I think when I made the move to this position the midwife realised that things were really moving along so she called the second midwife who arrived about 45 minutes later.

I think at about 2:30 I decided I couldn’t manage just breathing through the contractions any more and got the gas and air. I also got Barry to come and sit next to me so I could squeeze his hand, and I put him in charge of pressing the boost button on the TENS machine as it was starting to annoy me trying to find it every time (by this point I was on the second programme at about level 10). He was also in charge of dispensing Jelly Babies! I started to relax with the effects of the gas and air – I remember saying to Barry ‘I didn’t tell you this last time but it is like being drunk’ to which he replied ‘yeah, you told me that last time’. I also found it funny at this point that because I was leaning over in quite a short night shirt everyone could see my bum! I actually got quite chatty at this point, in between the contractions which were coming thick and fast, sometimes without a break in between them at all. I was moaning a bit at the height of the contractions but I did try and remember a couple of things I’d read in Ina May Gaskin’s ‘A Guide to Childbirth’; firstly that keeping an open and relaxed mouth would help the cervix open and relax too, and that low pitched noises would help me do this. A couple of times I caught myself clamping my teeth down on the gas and air mouth piece so I made a conscious effort to relax my jaw.

Some time after 3 am I started to really feel my cervix opening up. I think this was the point last time that I heard myself saying ‘I can’t do this!’ This time in my determination to be more positive I was saying ‘I can do this’. I was still on my knees, leaning on my arms on the sofa. I remember the midwife asking if I was feeling ‘pushy’ and I said no but on the next contraction I started pushing. The midwives were getting together all the things they would need once the baby was born, and they put some of those absorbent mats underneath me. After a few more contractions the midwife said she could see my waters bulging and then I think on the next contraction they went, splashing below me. According to Barry it was quite dramatic. Another couple of pushes (and some pretty loud screaming from me – how Toby didn’t wake up I will never know!) saw the head come out and one more and the body followed. At 3:43 am, after about 6 hours of active labour, our second son, Gabriel, was born.

The midwife caught him and passed him up between my legs. One of the first things I said was ‘he looks just like Toby’. I knelt and looked at him for a little while then the midwife helped me turn over to sit down. By this time the cord had stopped pulsating so the midwife tied on the cord tie I had made and Barry got to cut the cord. I was planning on having the syntometrine injection for a managed third stage but the second midwife asked if I would rather just wait and see if the placenta came on its own and within a few minutes and couple of small pushes it did. The midwife then checked me for any damage, I got away with just a small graze at the front – exactly the same as with Toby. I’m glad I make babies with small heads!

I moved up to the sofa with Gabriel wrapped in a towel, which he had already filled with meconium that was getting all over his legs and feet as well as his bum! Barry went upstairs to let my mum and dad know the news and my mum came down to say hello. She chatted to the midwives while they filled in all their paperwork and me and Barry got to know our son. I managed to get Gabriel to latch on to feed fairly quickly which I was really pleased about as I’d found it so difficult with Toby. A while later the midwives weighed Gabriel – he was 6lb 13oz, just 3oz more than his brother had been.

Barry held Gabriel under his t-shirt for some skin to skin while I managed to go through to the loo and get cleaned up a bit. Just before this I had been really shaky. I didn’t feel unwell or cold but I just couldn’t stop my legs in particular shaking and jerking. Apparently it can happen because of all the adrenaline that is in your body after giving birth. My blood pressure was fine though so I had a banana and plenty of water and soon started to feel OK again.

The second midwife left some time around 5 am and then by 6 am everything was cleared up and both midwives had left. Half an hour later Toby woke up so Barry went and got him dressed then brought him downstairs to meet his new brother. My dad made an appearance as well – he’d slept through the whole thing too! This was the main reason I had wanted a home birth; not because I had any particular desire to actually give birth at home but because within a couple of hours of having my baby I was in my living room with all my family around me.

So that’s it, the birth story of baby Gabriel. I’m sure there are bits I’ve missed out but it’s long enough as it is! I don’t claim to be any kind of expert now but if you have any questions about what it is like to have a home birth then I will do my best to help.

I’m sure I’ll be writing plenty more about life with a newborn too but for now, as I finish writing this, Gabe is sleeping beside me, he is almost 6 days old and he is adorable. He hasn’t done much except eat and sleep for the last week. Toby wasn’t quite sure about this new arrival for a few days but now seems to love his little brother already and is being so lovely with him. He comes over and gives him such a gentle kiss on the head while I am feeding, and he brings him toys to look at. Today he even gave him both his muslins – Toby uses muslins as his comforters and is very protective of them so that’s a massive thing for him!

We’re all very happy in our new family of four. Now if we could all just work on getting a bit more sleep….

20 August , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 3 Comments

Gabriel: the lead up to labour

I started off trying to write my birth story but it ended up being really long so I have split it up and this post is about the lead up to the birth of baby Gabriel. If you have been following my blog lately you’ll know I have been pregnant with my second baby. Despite my first pregnancy ending with the arrival of the lovely Toby after 38 weeks and 6 days of pregnancy and me being convinced this one would arrive early too, last week I made it to my due date and 40 weeks pregnant.

After a lot of deliberation, and a long wait to see if my previously low lying placenta would cooperate and move out of the way, I was booked for a home birth and had all the kit delivered by the NHS at about 36 weeks although I wouldn’t be allowed to stay at home for the birth unless I reached 38 weeks. Logistically we had a few issues about how we would make sure Toby was looked after if I stayed at home, or if I had to transfer to hospital as we don’t have any family nearby. We were very grateful that my mum and dad were happy to come up with their caravan and be on standby on a campsite about half an hour away, although I think they were hoping for an early arrival but instead they had to wait over two weeks to meet their newest grandson…

I saw the community midwife who I have been seeing throughout my pregnancy on my due date, she offered me a sweep which I refused and then wished me well as she would be on holiday for the next week. Saturday came and went and then on Sunday morning I decided I was fed up of just sitting about the house waiting and even though my pelvis was still making walking really painful we decided to head to the beach to let Toby have a run around. He wasn’t entirely convinced about how much fun the beach is but that’s another story. After some fresh air and chasing birds (that bit was just Toby) we headed back up the steps to the car park and home for some lunch.

I still didn’t feel like labour was imminent until I went to the loo when we got home and realised I had had a ‘bloody show’. I knew that it could still be days before labour started but I was happy that I knew something was starting to happen at least. I gave my mum a ring to let her know and put them on standby in case something did happen – it’s a good job I wasn’t ringing to say I was in labour though as my dad was off walking up a big hill somewhere at the time!

We carried on our afternoon as normal, I was feeling a few period pain like cramps but nothing different to I’d been having for the last few weeks and certainly nothing I would call contractions. We decided we should probably clear some space in our office/ spare room so we could open out the sofa bed if we needed my parents to come and stay.

As the evening went on I was feeling more cramps but still not really contractions and nothing regular and I told Barry I didn’t think anything would happen overnight so about 10pm we headed up to bed to try and get some sleep…

You can read the rest of Gabriel’s birth story here.

15 July , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 4 Comments

Toby is two years old!

Two years old! How on earth did we get here? My baby is well and truly a toddler now and yet I can remember his birth as if it was yesterday.

We had a lovely day on Saturday for Toby’s birthday. All four of his grandparents came up from England and my friends Claire and Dave came round with their twins who are three months younger than Toby. It was the same people we had there for his birthday last year and everyone was saying that it didn’t seem like a year had passed!

We didn’t actually get Toby many presents. He is still only two after all and I’d rather hold off on loads of presents until he is old enough to understand what is going on. I knew he would be getting plenty of things from friends and relatives too so our present to him was really trying to make sure he had a fun day (and we’ve also booked to go and see In The Night Garden Live in September which will be a birthday treat!).

Everyone came round in the morning and although the boys were all a little shy at first they soon got stuck in to playing with all Toby’s toys. His new Duplo from his uncle and auntie was definitely a hit (as much with my dad as the kids I think) but as predicted Toby was most enjoying his massive number 2 helium balloon!

We had a buffet lunch which the boys all seemed to enjoy eating on the living room floor.

And then it was time for the big reveal of the rainbow cake that I had spent most of the previous day baking. I was pleased with how it looked from the outside but until I cut into it I wasn’t really sure how it was going to have turned out. Thankfully it looked awesome!

I was very happy with it, and everyone else seemed suitably impressed. It might have cost me over £25 for the ingredients (mostly because I had to buy all the different food colours which were £2.80 a pot) but I reckon it was worth it. It tasted pretty good too! Toby was a bit confused by the candles at first but he always blows on things if you tell him they are hot so we explained the candles were hot and he managed to blow them out eventually (with a bit of help from me!).

We split one slice of cake between all three boys and they soon got stuck in, although even that was a bit too much for Toby in the end. He definitely seemed to be enjoying it though.

After Claire, Dave and the twins had gone home we got out Toby’s present from his Grandma and Grandad; a new slide for the garden! Toby loves the slide and spent ages just going up and down. Hopefully he’ll get plenty of use out of it this summer.

After playing for a while in the garden we came back in and Toby had fun playing with a couple of the new toys his Nana had got him too. He loved the magnetic fishing game, and the Magnadoodle has been a definite hit too.

Everyone else headed home about four o’clock and after some tea we took Toby up to bed – he was fast asleep within minutes! He did so well throughout the day, and without a nap too! He’s not always great with lots of people around, and it can take him a little while to get used to seeing his grandparents with not getting to see them that often but he was brilliant all day really. He’s definitely growing up fast. He’s got lots of words now, and seems to learn new ones every day. We’ve still got a way to go before he can really communicate properly but we’re getting closer and closer. I’m sure the next year will fly by again and it won’t be long before I’m saying ‘Toby is three – how did that happen??’

28 January , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 3 Comments

Toby is 18 months old

So Toby is 18 months old (well, more like 18 and a half due to my tardiness in finishing this post). From when I started this blog until Toby was one I wrote monthly updates but I haven’t written one since his 12 month update in July. Six months on and we are definitely the parents of a toddler and not a baby any more. So, what’s been happening in the last six months?

Toby is still really tall for his age. I’ve not actually been able to measure him for quite a while but we weighed him at Christmas, he weighs 28 lbs and I’ve just swapped all his clothes over to age 2-3 (although he’s been wearing some 2-3 sleepsuits for a while now). I’d like to keep him wearing poppered vests for the moment but I’m really struggling to find any big enough. I managed to get some plain white ones in age 2-3 from Tesco but if anyone has any ideas where I could get some coloured ones then please do share. He’s also got pretty big feet and is wearing a size 6 – he’s had them a while though and there’s still plenty of growing room in them so his feet can’t be growing too fast.

Our little toddler has been walking for about three months now. We did have a bit of a set back in November when he had some mystery injury to his leg or foot and wouldn’t but any weight on it for a couple of weeks, but whatever that was he now seems fully recovered. Now he can walk Toby loves running about in the house and hiding behind doors or trying to shut us out of rooms. He has been tall enough to reach the door handles for ages but a few weeks ago he worked out how to open the doors too so now nothing is safe from him.

We finally seem to be getting a respite from teething. Toby now has 16 teeth so only his back molars still to come. Even though the teething has stopped for the moment he is still suffering with every cough and cold that comes his way – one of the hazards of going to nursery full time I guess! Speaking of nursery, Toby has been going full time since August now and most of the time he really seems to like it. We’ve had plenty of mornings when he’s cried as I’ve dropped him off, but usually when he isn’t feeling well or hasn’t slept well and is still tired. I hate having to wake him up at 6:30 am and he doesn’t always get the best naps at nursery either so weekends are often spent catching up on sleep, for everyone!

Toby is very talkative and is often babbling away but we still don’t have many recognisable words. He says Dada a lot (and sadly Mum very rarely), and ‘what’s that?’ whilst pointing at things, or at least that’s what it sounds like. He does say see-saw quite clearly when he’s on his rocking horse, or even if I just rock him on my knee. He also says something resembling spider, and if you say spider to him he’ll point to the ceiling because that’s where all the spiders were in our house in the autumn. Oh. and ‘shoe’ is the other word that he definitely knows. We just need him to learn a few words that would actually be useful in helping him communicate now though! Although, he’s not saying much yet Toby definitely understands so much these days. It’s actually quite amazing to see. He can follow some instructions and knows where things belong. Every night he puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket in his room (even if he does sometimes then take them all out again so he can put the basket on his head!). He shakes his head for no if we ask him questions, but doesn’t seem to have a way of saying yes yet though.

Part of Toby’s ongoing struggle to communicate is quite regular tantrums or crying when he doesn’t get his own way. It’s quite exhausting sometimes and I have to admit I’m a bit rubbish at just giving in for an easy life sometimes. He is usually relatively easily distracted though so most of the time it’s not too bad. And although he might not be able to communicate much he definitely knows what the phone is for, and loves picking it up and saying ‘hiya’. In fact it doesn’t have to be the phone, any vaguely phone shaped object will do.

Sleep, or rather lack of, is still an issue that we are doing our best to cope with. On the occasional night recently Toby has slept all night but usually he’s awake once or twice. He still has a bottle at bedtime and more often than not he will need another if he wakes up in the night. He does seem to be genuinely hungry rather than just seeking comfort from it, but I don’t know what we can do to try and get more food in him during the day. He already has two breakfasts, two snacks, lunch and dinner at nursery plus more food when he gets home! I know he shouldn’t really still need bottles at 18 months but with a full time job I really need as much sleep as I can get and when the options are 10 minutes in the night to give a bottle and then he goes straight back to sleep, or spend half an hour or more with him screaming before he calms down I’m afraid I’m going to go for the bottle every time. I just have to trust that one day he’ll eventually grow out of needing milk in the night and we can all get some proper sleep!

I realise that a lot of this sounds like a bit of a moan, and in all honesty I am finding things pretty hard at the moment. But then Toby gives me a big cuddle, or runs around the house like a loon, or makes us laugh in any number of ways and then I remember how much I love him and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

19 December , 2014 - Sarah 2 Comments

Bah humbug!

Over the past month I’ve seen so many blogs filled with gift lists, Christmas crafts, festive recipes, tales of Christmas traditions and visits to Santa. And on my blog, this is the first time I have even mentioned Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big a fan of Christmas as the next blogger but I’m just not feeling especially festive this year. I am still at work until the 23^rd of December, and then facing a Christmas Eve drive to Blackpool to spend a few days with my parents. The kids at school have all been hyper for the last two weeks and trying to keep them working and focussed has been a nightmare. Where did kids get this idea that they have some inalienable right to watch DVDs for the last week of term in every single lesson? (OK, I’ll admit, Ratatouille has made an appearance in some of my classes, but we have been studying food, and I’m showing it in French).

Anyway, what with having a stressful time at work and Toby still not sleeping, getting excited about Christmas has been the last thing on my mind. We put the tree and lights up at the start of the month but that’s about as far as my festive cheer has spread. If I’m honest, I also don’t see the point in making a massive fuss about it all when Toby is only 17 months old and hasn’t got a clue what Christmas is about. I was the same last year when he was only 5 months and even though it was his first Christmas we didn’t really do anything special. This year the only Father Christmas he’s seen was at the nursery party, oh, and the dancing Santa band at the garden centre which he loved. I’ve even decided that I’m not going to bother wrapping his presents (of which there are only a few) and carting them all the way to Blackpool only to bring them home again. He’ll be getting plenty of other presents off his Grandparents. And before you all start thinking what a horrible, mean mum I am I do intend to fully embrace Christmas when Toby is old enough to understand what it is all about. We’ll make decorations and visit Santa; we’ll have a Christmas Eve box and leave out whiskey for Father Christmas and a carrot for Rudolph; we’ll have a lovely morning unwrapping a pile of presents… but for now, when the Christmas present I would like more than any other is for my boy to sleep through the night my festive spirit is sadly lacking.

Am I the only one? Is there anyone else who’s not feeling the Christmas cheer this year?

23 November , 20145 December , 2017 - Sarah 32 Comments

Win £50 to spend at Konfidence

We were delighted when we were asked to be Konfidence Swimologists earlier in the year and Toby has loved trying out the Konfidence Babywarma along with his NeoNappy and AquaNappy. We also put the Sun Protection Suit and hat to good use this summer too! After four blocks of Turtle Tots lessons we are giving weekly swimming a bit of a break for the moment. Toby has been having a bit of a wobble lately and has had so many coughs and colds since starting nursery that we’ve had to miss quite a few classes. I’ve really enjoyed taking Toby swimming though, and it has definitely given me much more confidence to take him in the pool by myself. We’re definitely going to keep swimming as often as we can manage and hopefully get Toby back into lessons when he’s a bit bigger.

Along with a break from swimming lessons our time as Konfidence Swimologists is also coming to an end. Konfidence are already looking for some new Swimologists for 2015 and we’d really like to thank everyone at Konfidence for giving us the chance to work with them and try out their fantastic products this year.

And because the people at Konfidence are just plain lovely they’ve also given me a £50 voucher to give away so you can get your hands on some of their lovely swimming gear too!

To enter just complete the Rafflecopter below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Entries close at midnight on Sunday 14th December.

All entrants must be 18 or over and UK residents.

The winner will be contacted by email.

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