26 October , 201530 November , 2015 - Sarah 1 Comment

Living Arrows 43/52 (2015)

The last week was fairly quiet (once again), Toby goes to nursery on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday afternoons and most of our mornings were spent at home as I continue trying to encourage Gabe to nap in his crib for longer than twenty minutes! I have found a way to get him to have a longer nap, without having to put him in the sling, and that is just to take a nap with him, so we managed a few of those this week too!

On Tuesday afternoon I walked up to our new drive through Starbucks, which does also have an actual inside bit too before you have visions of me pushing the pram through the drive through! It’s the first time Gabe has really slept in the carry cot of the pram too, so that’s progress too.

On Thursday afternoon I met up with some of the other mums from the pregnancy yoga class I went to before the summer. Our babies are all roughly the same age so it’s nice to meet up and compare notes, and just to have a bit of adult conversation! We’ve been trying to meet every week and it means we’re finding some new places for coffee and cake too, although as we discovered a few weeks ago, it’s not always easy to find somewhere that can accommodate eight buggies!

On Wednesday took both kids round to my friend Claire’s house in the morning – it was lovely to see Toby actually starting to play with her twins (they have loads of cool car toys so Toby loves playing at their house). They all go to the same nursery now and the twins are just about to move up into the toddler room where Toby is so it will be interesting to see if they start to really remember one another outside of nursery too. In the afternoon Toby and I made chocolate biscuits. Toby enjoyed himself I think but I found the whole experience very stressful! It didn’t help that Gabe woke up half way through and I had to do it with him in the sling, but I think I’m just a bit too controlling! Toby was cutting out the biscuits after I’d helped him roll out the dough but he was just putting the cutter willy nilly all over the dough so we had to keep re-rolling it – perfectly normal behaviour for a two year old but it was driving me bonkers! It was lovely to do something with him that wasn’t watching CBeebies though so we’ll definitely try again soon.

When I write it all down, perhaps the week wasn’t so quiet after all!

The weekend started with Claire coming round to our house for Chinese take away and a much needed catch up. We see each other most weeks but we’re usually trying to manage toddlers at the same so it was nice to have time for a proper chat. I had about half a bottle of wine, which is probably more than I’ve drunk for a year, although still not exactly a huge amount. I got a pretty decent night’s sleep as Barry got up with Gabe in the night but I spent all of Saturday feeling terrible, I don’t know if it was the wine or the Chinese but I felt sick all day. Barry’s parents were up visiting this weekend too, which was actually great because it meant on Saturday they were here to entertain Toby while I had a couple of naps with Gabe. Saturday night wasn’t great though, Gabe was up twice but unsettled for a lot of the night, Toby woke up crying (I think he was feeling a bit poorly after having his flu vaccination) so I ended up sleeping on his floor for an hour before dealing with Gabe’s second wake up… it was a long night!

On Sunday we’d planned a nice morning out at Deep Sea World – an aquarium near to where we live. I was feeling much better at least but Toby still seemed a bit under the weather and then he did something to his foot running about in the living room so was limping as well. When we got there he perked up a bit and so he went to have a look around with Barry and his grandparents while I fed Gabe in the cafe. Five minutes later Barry and Toby appeared again – Barry had put his back out and could barely walk! He’d done the same thing earlier in the year and had had a few twinges since but it had gone completely again. He spent the next hour or so sitting in the cafe trying to get comfortable while we had a look around but I think Toby just wasn’t really feeling up for it which was a bit of a shame. Barry was really suffering in the afternoon so I had to put both kids to bed and we got a relatively early night.

Gabe woke up about 2:30 and I got up to feed him. I’ve been bringing him downstairs in the night so we don’t disturb anyone and I could hear Barry moving about in bed upstairs. I then got a text from me saying his painkillers had worn off, he couldn’t get out of bed and he needed a wee! I got him some more painkillers but he could barely move and still couldn’t get out of bed. We managed something so he could relieve himself (I leave that one to your imagination!) but it wasn’t getting any better. We were just about to try and get some more sleep when his back went in to total spasm, it was really scary, he was shaking with the pain and could barely catch his breath. We didn’t really know what to do and ended up calling 999 as it seemed like an ambulance to hospital was going to be our only option. Apparently though it wasn’t enough of an emergency so we had to wait for a call back from NHS 24, and then nearly another hour for a call from one of the nurses. Thankfully the spasm did ease off after a while but it was really horrible to see him suffering so much and not being to do anything to help. Gabe had woken up as well so I was trying to keep him quiet and make sure he didn’t wake Toby too.

His back has been a little bit better today, as long has he stays dosed up on painkillers and he’s got an appointment with a physio tomorrow so hopefully they’ll be able to help too. I hope for everyone’s sake it does. Of course it’s horrible for Barry to be in pain, but also Toby doesn’t really understand why daddy can’t play with him or cuddle him like he usually does, he can’t really help with Gabe, I’ve had to do bedtime for both boys again… it really makes me realise how much I rely on his help normally.

Anyway, this has turned into a bit of an epic mind dump about what’s been going on this week when really I’m supposed to be sharing photos of the boys…. Here’s one more though – Toby has shown a bit more interest in Gabe this week and I even managed to get him to give him a cuddle. He wasn’t that convinced though and just after I took this photo he moved his arm away and said ‘I don’t like it’. I’m sure he’ll get to like it one day though!

21 October , 201521 October , 2015 - Sarah 5 Comments

A walk in the woods

First up, apologies but this is going to be a very photo heavy post, so sorry if it takes an age to load! And thanks to Barry for taking the pictures too.

On Saturday it was a lovely sunny day, just the kind of perfect autumn day that only seems to come around a few times a year (especially when you live in Scotland where the default weather seems to be rain). We’ve had quite a few weekends lately where we haven’t done much of anything, and Toby always seems to get a bit stir crazy when he’s stuck in the house all day so seeing as the sun was shining we decided to make the most of it and headed to Devilla Forest which is about 15 minutes drive from where we live. We drive past these woods all the time, but have only ever stopped and walked there once before. That was when Toby was 10 weeks old, and after a walk through the woods being carried in the sling he slept through the night for the first time, so of course I was hoping they would have a similar effect on Gabe!

There are lots of paths through the woods but from where we parked there is one that is waymarked – The Red Squirrel Trail. It’s only just over a mile so we thought it would be pretty doable with Toby. He had been in a bit of a grump about coming out, not wanting to get his jacket on and moaning that I’d made him wear his tights, but when we arrived and he saw all the trees he let out an ‘oh wow’. Once he was suitably attired in waterproof trousers and wellies we headed off towards the woods. From the car park there was a big wooden entrance and a wooden bridge over a small ditch which Toby had great fun stomping back and forwards over.

Once we were away from the cars and safely onto the path off he went. I think he must have walked twice as far as us as he kept running backwards and forwards.

Toby was absolutely loving being in the woods and was delighted by every tree he came to, running up to it, marvelling at how big they were and once he’d finished looking at one tree he’d run along to the next one and exclaim ‘a tree’ again. Oh to be a toddler and to find the simplest of things so exciting.

As Toby continued to explore we followed along at a leisurely pace. Gabe was soon snoring away in the baby carrier…

As we continued along the path there were lots of tree stumps along its edges. And of course Toby had to sit on every one.

As well as trees, and stumps to sit on, there were lots of interesting things to discover on the ground. There were hundreds of tiny pine cones (which Toby decided were eggs). He kept picking them up, then moving along and finding a better one. He was particularly pleased when he found three or four all still attached to a twig.

There were some handy logs to practice balancing on, with a little help from mummy.

And then suddenly the tiredness hit. Toby stopped in the middle of the path and declared ‘my home’…and he set off walking back the way we had come.

We tried to revive him with some raisins but decided we were better off just heading back to the car rather than continuing with a tired toddler.

Even after his raisins it was all just too much and so a carry from Daddy was needed to make it back to the car park.

It was so lovely to see Toby enjoying himself outside rather than glued to the TV or even in the organised fun of soft play. He was exhausted afterwards and fell asleep in the car on the way home and stayed snoozing on the sofa for another hour when we got in. We definitely need to make an effort to get out more over this winter, whenever the weather allows. There are loads of parks and woods we can go and explore near where we live and everyone always feels better for a bit of fresh air.

19 October , 201530 November , 2015 - Sarah 3 Comments

Living Arrows 42/52 (2015)

We’ve not been up to much the last week…I’m trying not to do anything to out of the ordinary so that Toby has a chance to get used to his new routine with his new nursery and his new little brother. We try to get out most mornings, even if it’s only to the shop, and then he has nursery four afternoons a week. We’re still having lots of tears on drop off but he does seem to be having fun while he’s there so hopefully things will keep improving.

This week has also seen Gabe turn two months old and we’ve had the joy of his first proper smiles too. I know I am very biased but I reckon we do make very pretty children! He still looks like Toby did as a baby but he’s really starting to get his own personality now too.

On Saturday it was such a lovely sunny day that we decided to head to some woods near where we live for a walk, and to give Toby a chance to have a run about. I’m going to share some more of the photos in a separate post but I love this one of Toby having a rest and concentrating on his raisins. I can’t take credit for this picture though – Barry was in charge of the camera for this one…

19 October , 2015 - Sarah 1 Comment

Gabriel is two months old

Two months old already. As life continues at breakneck pace it seems like Gabe has been a part of our family for much longer than two months now. He certainly doesn’t look like the tiny baby who arrived onto our living room floor back in August! As I’ve mentioned in some of my weekly Living Arrows posts we are slowly figuring things out and settling into some sort of routine. I’m still finding some days a struggle looking after Gabe and Toby – there’s still quite a lot of CBeebies getting watched but everyone is surviving and I’m just telling myself that Toby is learning some really important life lessons from Bing and Mr Tumble.

If you read my post a few weeks ago about the beginning of the end for breastfeeding you’ll already know that we were slowly heading towards completely bottle feeding. Well, I last breastfed Gabe on Friday, and it worked wonders on Thursday night when he was really unsettled after having his first immunisations, but these have only been comfort feeds and he is getting all his nutrition now from formula. I’m pleased we made to eight weeks with him getting at least some breast milk but I’m also happy that we have made the right decision for all of us as a family. Gabe is still suffering from reflux and giving him bottles means he can have Gaviscon much more easily. He’s also taking ranitidine which helps to control the acid. We seem to have things under control with the reflux, and although I’m sad he has to suffer from it at all, at least we’re managing it. And he’s gaining weight well – he was up to 10 lb 4.5 oz on Thursday, which means he’s put on 2 lb in as many weeks! He’s almost growing out of some of his 0-3 sleepsuits now too – his feet are right in the bottom, especially when he’s got a big cloth nappy on at night. Speaking of cloth nappies Gabe still hasn’t worn a disposable since he was three days old and he’s now too big for some of the newborn nappies so he’s graduated to the birth to potty ones and so both he and Toby are wearing the same nappies and I’m having to wash them nearly every day – time for some nappy shopping I think!

Bottle feeding Gabe has helped us get into a routine of feeds roughly every three hours through the day with naps in between (in theory). I’m trying my best to get Gabe to nap in his crib at home but a lot of the time I just end up putting him in our Lillebaby carrier which seems to have magical properties that send him straight to sleep. I actually think I could get him to nap in his crib more if I could spend ten or fifteen minutes settling him but I can’t leave Toby roaming the house for that long on his own so if Gabe doesn’t fall asleep within five minutes then into the carrier he goes! He’s sleeping very well at night though which is brilliant. We’ve now got our bedtime routine pretty much down and both boys are usually in bed asleep by 7:30 pm. Gabe will then generally sleep until somewhere between midnight and 3 am. His wake ups have been getting a bit earlier lately but I can sometimes put him off for another hour with a dummy and a rub on the back – that’s when having the co-sleeper crib really comes into its own. I’m usually up with him for an hour – he tends to drink his milk with a break in the middle for a burp and a nappy change. I had a few nights a week or so ago when I was up with him for two hours but thankfully we seem to back to an hour again now. After that he then sleeps until about 6 am and I’m not sure whether he might sleep a bit longer but Barry has to get up for work then and I think that maybe disturbs him. Whilst Gabe is sharing a room with us (and he will be for a while yet because we don’t really have any other options) there’s not a lot we can do about it anyway.

We starting to get a lot more smiles now which is so lovely. He doesn’t smile that often but when he does treat you to one it lights up his whole face. I still can’t tell if he’s got dimples like Toby though! He’s very alert now and always looking around to see what’s going on. He’s also a lot happier just to sit in his bouncy chair for a while which makes a world of difference to me – I can usually manage to eat my breakfast without a baby strapped to my front at least!

I’m trying not to wish away these newborn days but I can’t help but look forward to the next few months as Gabe continues to develop and starts to interact a bit more. I’m hoping that as that happens Toby might start to find him a bit more interesting too and they can amuse each other rather than constantly demanding my attention (although I am well aware that that is going to carry on for years yet!)

So, at two months old Gabe is well and truly a part of the family now. I’m proud of myself that I’m coping with two kids and despite some tough days we are all getting along just fine!

14 October , 20152 July , 2016 - Sarah 1 Comment

Toby is 27 months old

OK, so I know 27 months seems an odd age to do an update post but that’s when the health visitors round here do a development check so yesterday we had a visit to see if Toby is doing everything he ‘should’ be at 27 months old. We were sent a questionnaire to complete before the health visitor came – most of it was pretty straight forward; things like can he run, walk upstairs, eat with a fork, identify body parts, stack seven bricks, put three or four words together, but some of the other questions seemed a bit odd; does he copy you if you open and close your mouth or pull your earlobe? No, he doesn’t. I mean why would he? He might do if I asked him to but he’s more likely to just look at me like I’ve gone a bit mental! Or another one was if something is out of his reach will he get a chair or box and climb on it to get whatever it is. Also no. Mostly because he’s really tall so most things are within his reach. And if they aren’t then that’s probably because we’ve purposely put them out of his reach and would tell him not to if he started trying to climb on a chair to reach them. Stupid questionnaire!

Anyway, the health visitor didn’t have any concerns with Toby and neither do we. Physically he can do everything other two year olds are doing. He’s very active and loves running and climbing and jumping off things. Mostly he likes jumping on his daddy! He’s still very tall for his age, although at 2 st 2lbs he hasn’t put on much weight at all this year. At two years and three months he’s starting to wear age 3-4 clothes from some shops and is wearing size 8 shoes.

Toby’s very affectionate (when he wants to be) and loves having cuddles on the sofa and giving out kisses when he’s in the mood. He is so polite, and it makes me very proud – he says please and thank you without being prompted. He’s very well behaved most of the time, and usually does what he’s asked, even if sometimes it takes a few times of asking! He’s good at tidying up after himself too – sometimes he seems to enjoy tidying toys away more than he does playing with them. He’s got a set of wooden blocks that he likes nothing more than just to take out of the box and put back in again. Although, he’s quite a fan of the tower too – remember that questionnaire asking can he stack seven bricks? I decided to actually see what he could manage today….16 bricks! Nailed that one. He’s so clever too – he can count to 13 (because that’s how many stairs there are in our house), he knows most of his colours, he can identify all 50 of the flash cards in the set we have…he surprises us every day with just how much he knows and can do.

Toby has recently become really friendly too, saying hello and goodbye to people in shops, or the postman when he comes to the door. He also likes to say hello and goodbye to lots of other things too – it can take five minutes to leave the park as he says ‘bye bye slide, bye bye swing…’ today we even had ‘bye bye shop’ after we’d been to the post office! He likes to be helpful whenever he can too. He likes to bring things for Gabe when I’m feeding him. Admittedly they aren’t always things he needs, or wants but it’s still adorable when he presents me with a teddy or a muslin with a ‘there you go Gabe’. Yesterday he was determined to give Gabe his dummy, even when it was quite clear that he really didn’t want it.

I know I’m sounding like Toby is some sort of angel child here – of course he has his fair share of tantrums and whining. He’s going through a bit of a phase of just crying whenever he doesn’t get exactly what he wants, when he wants it, or quite often it will because he wants to do something for himself when he either can’t, or just it would be much easier to do it myself. One of his favourite phrases at the moment is ‘my do it!’ I have to admit I sometimes take the easy road and just let him have his own way if it will avoid a meltdown. At the moment I just feel like he’s coping with so many changes – a new brother and a new nursery, and he’s adjusting so well really that if I can let him have his own way about things sometimes (and I’m not talking about anything major, just things like which shoes he wears, or what to have for lunch) then I can make his life a bit easier and less stressful…which in turn of course makes life easier and less stressful for me too.

I’m sure there’ll be lots more changes for Toby over the next few months – we really need to get him in his big boy bed soon, there’s toilet training to think about at some point (although I don’t think he’s anywhere near ready yet) and the biggest change of all will, hopefully, be a move down to England (and there’ll be much more on that from me in future blog posts!). I have no doubt though that our adorable boy will continue to grow and thrive and amaze us every day.

This last photo was taken one day after nursery a few weeks ago – Toby had been playing in the garden and this picture just captures him in all his snot-covered, grime-coated, adorable two-ness!

12 October , 201530 November , 2015 - Sarah 5 Comments

Living Arrows 41/52 (2015)

Not much to report this week… Toby is settling in well to his new nursery, apart from rather dramatic wailing on being dropped off. He’s always had a good day by the time he comes home though so I’m hoping the drop offs get a bit easier this week. He’s got a cold as well at the moment and has generally being a bit clingy. I know he’s just a bit put out because he’s not getting all of my attention any more. I try and give him as much attention as I can but juggling the two boys isn’t easy. I have no idea how people manage with three or even more kids! Toby is getting so big, and he’s so clever that I think sometimes we forget that he’s still just a baby himself really and he’s struggling to make sense of all the changes that have been going on in his life lately. Everyone always thinks he’s older than he is and you can see why in this week’s photo…he’s wearing age 3 trousers and an age 3-4 t-shirt and he was only two three months ago!

Gabe has been doing OK this week. He’s still sleeping reasonably well – he’s going to bed at the same time as Toby (about 7pm) and usually only waking up once in the night. We’ve had a few nights this week though when that one wake up has lasted two hours which isn’t the most fun! He seems to be struggling with trapped wind a lot at the moment, every feed seems to end in screaming while we fight to get a burp up. I feel so sorry for him. We are getting into something of a routine during the day now at least. He’s usually going about three hours between feeds. If we’re lucky he has a morning nap in his crib and then his other sleeps in the baby carrier on me. Having to wear him all the time isn’t ideal but at least it means I can get things done, I have both my hands free, and the carrier is honestly like magic – Gabe nearly always falls asleep within five minutes of being put in it! The other Gabe news this week is that we have finally been treated to some gorgeous smiles! I’ve not managed to catch one on camera yet though so this week’s picture is this lovely contented sleepy face instead.

12 October , 20154 August , 2017 - Sarah 24 Comments

Review: Ardo Calypso double breastpump

When I was pregnant with Gabe I started thinking about whether there were any products I would need that I hadn’t had with Toby. One thing that I was considering was an electric breast pump. I didn’t have a great breastfeeding experience with Toby and I never really expressed any milk at all. I had a manual pump that was pretty rubbish and I’d stopped breastfeeding before I bothered to try any other kind of pump. This time I knew I wanted to give breastfeeding another go and I thought that an electric pump might be useful in the early days to help increase my supply, and then perhaps later if I wanted to express milk so Barry or someone else could feed Gabe.

There are lots of different breast pumps on the market and it’s hard to know which one to choose. When I saw a tweet from Ardo saying they were looking for people to try their pumps I had a look at their website and was impressed to see that their pumps are used in hospitals around the country. As well as information about their products there is also lots of fab information and advice about breastfeeding on the website. I got in touch with Ardo and was delighted when they agreed to send me a Calypso Double Plus electric pump to try, along with a great selection of breastfeeding and pumping accessories.

The Calypso Double Plus has an RRP of £129.95. The pump comes with a selection of different size breast shells (four different options), two bottles with lids and a bottle holder, plus a brush for cleaning. Ardo also kindly sent me some night and day breast pads, microwave sterilising bags, freezer storage bags and some lanolin nipple cream.

The pump was very easy to set up out of the box. It can be used as a single or double pump and it’s very easy to switch between the two. The pump can be used with batteries or from the mains so you can easily pump on the go if you need to. It has different settings for vacuum and cycles so it’s very easy to adjust to get the best flow – Ardo recommend you start with low suction and high speed and then when the milk starts to flow increase the suction and decrease the speed – this mimics a baby’s suckling pattern to achieve the best results. Because there are eight different levels for both vacuum and cycles which are individually adjustable it’s very easy to find a level which is comfortable and effective.

The Ardo pump is very quiet – very important to allow for pumping and watching TV at the same time! Since we started putting Gabe to bed at the same time as Toby a week or so ago I have been expressing milk in the evenings. If you read my recent post about how I think we might be nearing the end for breast feeding you’ll know that mostly just due to the practicalities of breastfeeding a baby who takes an awful long time to feed, alongside looking a toddler, I am now giving Gabe some bottles during the day. If I can manage to express enough milk in the evenings then one of these bottles can be breast milk rather than formula and I know Gabe is getting all the benefits of my milk, without me having to spend hours feeding him. I’m actually finding expressing milk oddly satisfying – I was very pleased with myself last week when I managed to pump 3 ounces in one session!

The Calypso pump is very easy to use and also easy to clean. As it is a closed system there is no possibility of any milk getting into the tubes or the pump itself. This means only the parts that come into contact with the milk need to be washed and sterilised. The Easy Clean microwave sterilising bags have been perfect for this and I’ve also used them when sterilising Gabe’s bottles.

Overall I have found the Ardo Calypso Double Plus Electric breast pump very easy to use, and although I haven’t been able to pump huge amounts this breast pump has certainly made the whole process a painless one. The only small criticism I have of the pump is that there isn’t a seal where the bottles connect to the pump itself. This isn’t really a problem as long as you use the bottle holder when putting the bottles down. I didn’t do this the first time I used the pump (which is entirely my own fault!) and because having the pump attached makes the bottles top heavy they don’t stand up on their own. I didn’t realise this, or that one of my bottles had fallen over and while I tidied up my hard won breast milk was slowly trickling away. Only a woman who has spilled expressed breast milk can know how truly devastating it can be! Having said that, as long as you are aware of this and use the bottle holder then it really isn’t a problem.

If you are looking for an electric breast pump then I would highly recommend the Ardo Calypso Double Plus.

**Disclosure: I was sent the featured products in return for this review. All opinions are my own. This post contains affiliate links.

9 October , 20159 October , 2015 - Sarah 3 Comments

A new nursery

Last week Toby left the nursery he has been at since he was 13 months old and started at a new nursery.

There were a few reasons for this; there were always a few niggling issues with his old nursery, nothing that was serious enough for us to move him but things that given a choice we would have changed. The nursery he has moved to was actually my first choice when we were putting Toby into full time childcare when I went back to work. The only reason we didn’t send him there was because it didn’t open early enough for me to drop him off and still get to work on time. Obviously that isn’t an issue now so it was no longer a reason to keep him where he was. The other main reason we have moved him is because this nursery is a lot cheaper than the old one! This doesn’t seem to have any ill effect on the care the children receive, and it means we can afford to keep Toby going four afternoons a week for the same cost as three afternoons at the old nursery. The other thing that influenced our decision was that the old nursery doesn’t receive council funding to provide children with their free hours of childcare when they are three and the new nursery does. Although we are planning to move back to England in the next year there’s a chance we’ll still be here when Toby turns three and it was easier to move him now than wait until he is three and there’s less chance of getting him a space.

Anyway, last Thursday we went along to the new nursery for a settling in session. We had told Toby what was happening but I don’t know how much he really understood. I think he was pretty confused when all the staff were giving him cuddles when he left his old nursery on Wednesday! On Thursday Barry had taken the afternoon off so we all went along. As soon as we got there Toby went off and started playing. I spoke to his key worker for a while and then we went and sat in the manager’s office for half an hour and left him to it – I don’t think he even noticed we weren’t there! When our hour was up we headed home again, Toby seemed like he’d enjoyed himself and we told him he would be coming back again the next day.

On Friday we went again. The plan was for Toby to stay at least three hours but that I would phone after two and if he was doing OK then he would stay to have his tea and do the full afternoon. When we pulled up in the car I told Toby we were at his new nursery – ‘new nursery’ he said and seemed quite happy to go in. In the hallway I was explaining to Toby that he had to change into his special ‘inside shoes’ (he didn’t have to do this at his old nursery), and I showed him the cool slippers that look like trainers that I’d got him. One of the staff came out and at this point Toby started saying ‘home’ and trying to pull me towards the door. He’s only just learnt to say home and what it means so he likes to use it, even if it’s not necessarily what he really wants. I told him we weren’t going home and we went into the toddler room where he’d had so much fun the day before. At first he clung on to me and refused to go and play. Then he had a spell of lying on the floor. After ten minutes or so he decided to go off and have a look at what there was to do. I stood up and he came back to cling to my leg again. Then he found something else to do. I probably could have sneaked off without him noticing but I don’t really like to do that, so I said goodbye, and he cried as I knew he would. He has been going his old nursery full time nursery for well over a year and still cried at least half the time when he was dropped off so I wasn’t too worried. I left him to it and sat in the car outside for a while just in case they rang me straight away to say he wouldn’t settle. No call came though so I headed home. I called them a couple of hours later and he was absolutely fine so we left him there to have his tea and do a full afternoon session.

Unfortunately this week hasn’t such plain sailing. It’s been a struggle some days to even get him in the door. Yesterday when we pulled up outside he started crying and saying ‘no nursery’ and then ‘me home’. When I left him he was really crying for me (and it was the same on Tuesday) but there have been no calls to collect him early and we’ve gone to pick him up they said it’s taken no more than five minutes for him to calm down. I’m sure there’ll be plenty more tears of drop off but as long as he continues to settle down quickly I know he’ll be fine. It doesn’t change the fact that leaving him crying is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and it doesn’t really get any easier.

I’m so proud of my biggest boy though. There have been a lot of changes in Toby’s life recently and he’s coping with it all so well. I guess he’s not my baby any more, my little boy is proper toddler and he’s a total superstar.

5 October , 201530 November , 2015 - Sarah 2 Comments

Living Arrows 40/52 (2015)

It’s been a fairly quiet week here, we’re slowly settling into some sort of routine. We’ve started putting Gabe to bed at the same time as Toby now which means we’re getting our evenings back and that couple of hours makes all the difference. Gabe is still sleeping really well at night too, although he’s not a huge fan of the daytime nap. I remember Toby was the same though – I spent a lot of time taking him for walks to get him to sleep in the first few months but from about three months his daytime sleep improved and he started napping in his cot without any trouble. I’m just hoping Gabe follows in his brother’s footsteps!

Speaking of Toby, he has moved to a new nursery this week. After a short settling in session on Thursday he went for a full afternoon on Friday and apart from a few tears when I dropped him off on Friday he was an absolute superstar. I hope he’s still so settled when we go back again tomorrow.

I managed a successful trip to toddler group with both boys this week too. I put Gabe in the carrier and he slept the whole time, and I had both hands free to play with Toby so it was much less stressful than the week before when I’d just been holding Gabe (after optimistically assuming I would be able to leave him in the pram!).

I had another outing on my own with both boys on Friday too. We went to the cafe in the big park in our town to meet up with two of the girls from our original NCT class. They both have toddlers the same age as Toby, and they’re both pregnant too. I wouldn’t say it was entirely stress-free – Toby was being a bit clingy and didn’t want to go into the little soft play that’s there, and then he was being a bit picky about the food I’d got him for lunch, and Gabe was crying while I tried to sort Toby’s lunch out because he wanted feeding, and Toby knocked a whole pot of yoghurt all over the table…but do you know what? We all survived, we went out, I did manage to talk to my friends a bit, everyone got fed and no one was hurt so I’m chalking that one up as a victory. Every time I go out with both boys on my own, whether it’s to toddler group, or a cafe or the supermarket, I think of ways I can make it easier for next time so things can only get better from here!

Anyway, to this week’s Living Arrows pictures…the first is Toby – today we went to one of those ceramic painting places near where we live. We didn’t do any painting but it’s got a nice little cafe and a small soft play area that is free and that Toby can just go and play in on his own. He was having so much fun in there and seeing him off playing on his own gives me a little lump in my throat – it really shows me how much my baby boy is growing up.

Of course my new baby boy is still very much a baby. He still looks really like Toby did when he was the same age, especially when he’s wearing Toby’s hand me downs. This sleepsuit was Toby’s before going to my friend’s twins, and now back to Gabe again. I reckon Gabe is even longer than Toby was though, his feet are at the bottom of this sleepsuit already and it’s 0-3 months! I wonder if he’s going to end up even taller than his brother?

3 October , 2015 - Sarah 13 Comments

Breastfeeding: The beginning of the end

I’ve tried. No one can say I haven’t tried. But as I sit here at 5 am having been feeding a baby for the last hour and twenty minutes I think this is the beginning of the end for breastfeeding and me.

In fact, the beginning of the end was probably when I gave Gabe formula when he was just a day old. Or maybe it was when I started using nipple shields on his second feed. Or perhaps when a second or third bottle in the day became the norm rather than the exception about a week ago. Who knows?

I think maybe though that breastfeeding and me are just not meant to be. For me it’s just not the wonderful experience all the breastfeeding literature and baby books tell you it’s going to be. In fact, dare I say it, I simply don’t like it. I don’t feel any special bond with my baby as we sit ‘enjoying’ those breastfeeding cuddles. What I often feel is pain (because yes, even seven weeks on, with nipple shields, it still hurts half the time), and frustration that it takes so long to feed a baby in the way nature intended when I could bottle feed him in a third of the time. I don’t know, maybe cave women didn’t have much to do with their days so they could sit around feeding all day but I have a toddler to look after and a house to run and I just can’t sustain breastfeeding my baby for endless hours of every day.

I know everyone talks about the convenience of breastfeeding; no bottles to wash and sterilise, no formula to prepare, no need to plan ahead because you’ve always got milk on tap, and I suppose it is all those things but when every feed takes over an hour, feeding in public involves trying to get a baby latched on to a nipple shield without showing everyone your entire boob…then suddenly it’s not that convenient after all.

So I don’t really know where we’re going to go from here. I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time. Gabe is already getting half his feeds from a bottle and I reckon by the time he gets to 8 weeks old we won’t be breastfeeding at all.

And yes, it makes me a bit sad. I really hoped that breastfeeding was going to work out for us this time. By Toby’s six week check I wasn’t breastfeeding him at all so we’ve already made it further than that. So Toby was formula fed from about five weeks and he’s turned out OK and I’m sure Gabe will too. There’s still plenty to be proud of; that we made it this far, that I’ve managed to breastfeed in the park, and in the Night Garden(!), that I’ve tried my best to find a balance that works for all of us. I think I just need to accept that breastfeeding and me are not meant to be. But no one can say I didn’t try.

Toby Goes Bananas

A family lifestyle blog

Author: Sarah