The Mother-in-Law

The Mother-in-Law

I’ve got another guest post today – this time from the lovely Lucinda over at Teacher 2 Mummy. Sometimes there are just things you don’t want to say on your own blog…

This post is about ‘mother in law woes’, sometimes you just need to get something off your chest! I have wanted to write this post for a long time but it’s not appropriate for my blog (for obvious reasons). Firstly though, thank you to Sarah for having me as a guest poster on Toby Goes Bananas!

Before I get into any moaning I think it’s best to start with the good stuff…
My OH’s mum is fab with Eliot, she adores him and he loves being in her company. She looks after him two full days a week while we are at work and also does a bit of tidying when he’s napping. She also helps out by taking him out for a walk if things need to be done at home. For these reasons and more I’m very grateful for her but there are several things that just drive me potty!

I wonder is it me just being…well me? Or do many of you feel a similar way with your MIL? I find that there a certain things she may do with Eliot that bother me immensely, however if it’s my mum she would never do them or they bother me less (or not at all). Speaking to one of my best friends she said she feels the same!

I’ll share a few of the things that I’m taking about (some I’m sure will infuriate you too).

1. The day after Eliot was born I was in hospital with him when he began choking on some fluid that he’d brought up. After pressing the emergency button, a midwife simply turned him over (facing the floor) and patted his back. She explained it was fluid that hadn’t been expelled during birth and it could happen again. Now I knew what to do I wasn’t worried.
It did happen again, when my OH and his mum were there. So I did just as the midwife had shown/explained. Except my MIL thought she knew better and literally snatched him off me. It happened to be during a nappy change and just at this point the meconium made it’s appearance. All over my MIL, the floor, the bed. Eliot began to scream as he was also covered in his own…mess. I was fuming!

2. A health visitor was on the ward and she popped over to help us clean the mess. My MIL then turned her and said ‘Can you show him how to hold a baby properly’ referring to my OH. I snapped at this point and said ‘he doesn’t need showing how to hold a baby’. Seriously?!

I really wish I’d said something after number 1. as it still bothers me now.

3. When the midwife who delivered Eliot was on a routine visit with a student midwife, my MIL also happened to be visiting. She asked them something about Milton sterilising fluid but basically not asking outright if it’s something we should be doing as we were obviously doing the wrong thing when sterilising his bottles (we use a microwave steriliser). Grrrrr!

4. Eliot has had a dummy from about 2 weeks. Now I know there are mixed views about dummies but a my MIL has quite a different one. She said in the early days that he looked ‘cute’ with his dummy. For her it seemed like just a reason to give him one. Obviously I don’t want him using one if he doesn’t ‘need’ it. So it thoroughly annoyed me when she would ask ‘where’s his dummy’ and give him it when he didn’t need one.

5. When we went to an antenatal class we were told by midwives to apply a thin layer of cream after nappy changing to still allow the skin to breathe. My MIL thinks she knows better and slathers cream on, even though I’ve repeatedly asked/told her not to. Once I was tidying Eliot’s room when she was changing his nappy and she deliberately stood in front of him so she could stop me seeing how much cream she put on. Arrrggh!

I’m not sure if she knows I can read her like a book!

6. The most recent thing has been taking him to a chemist to ask about his cheeks because they have been very red (due to teething & catching the sun). To me this totally undermines what we are doing as parents.

There are many more but these are ones that stand out for me.

What it boils down to is that she doesn’t listen to our wishes, she will pick him up when we wouldn’t, she will shove a dummy in just for the sake of it and she thinks she knows better. I know a lot of people say (some) grandparents are like that but I know that’s not true. One of my colleagues is a nan and said she follows her granddaughters routine to a tee. She said she wouldn’t go against her son and daughter in law’s wishes.

So what do you think? Would the above bother you as much as it bothers me?

Thanks again Lucinda for sharing your MIL troubles! My mum and my mother-in-law both live over 200 miles away so we don’t get to see them that often…and so they never really get chance to do anything that might annoy us! What do you think though? Do you just have to put up with the annoying stuff, especially if your mother-in-law (or any other relative) is looking after your child for you?

Full time parents

Full time parents

Image credit

I am so excited to feature my first ever guest post today – and even more excited because it’s written by my first blog-crush; Donna from Redhead Babyled! You can also find Donna on Twitter @genuineplacebo

So without further ado I will hand you over to Donna…

For some reason everywhere I look – On TV, in newspapers, online – There is a fascination at the moment of calling stay at home parents ‘Full Time Parents’. This has grated on me from the first time I heard it and continues to grate on me every time, so much so that it has inspired me to rant about it.

Anyone that has a child is a full time parent. You don’t stop being a parent when you go to work, when you go through a separation or divorce or when you go out for the evening and get a babysitter. Being a parent is not something you can switch on and off and is definitely not something that you can do ‘part time’ – Even parents that only see their children at weekends are still full time parents they just don’t get to see their children more often.

Being a stay at home parent is sometimes a thing of choice and sometimes a thing of necessity. It’s not an easy job to do – after two lots of maternity leave I know full well how hard staying at home with children is. I also know that going out to work when you have children is hard work – Broken sleep, missing the children, long commutes, missing milestones, only being there for an hour or two a day and having to play catch up at weekends and on days off.

Whether you go to work or stay at home you’re a full time parent. Going to work does not make you any less of a parent and to suggest it does is just insulting to all the working parents out there. Most of the time being a parent and working or staying at home is not a conscious choice but something that has to happen. Most of the time the process of returning, or not, to work is stressful enough without having the added pressure of whether you are a ‘Full Time Parent’ or not.
Whether we’re with our children all the time or not we are still parents, parenting.

I have to say I totally agree with Donna. I’m pretty sure it can’t have been a parent that first came up with the term ‘full time parent’! What do you think? Are there any other parenting labels that get on your nerves?