Month: October 2015

- Sarah 3 Comments

A new nursery

Last week Toby left the nursery he has been at since he was 13 months old and started at a new nursery.

new nursery

There were a few reasons for this; there were always a few niggling issues with his old nursery, nothing that was serious enough for us to move him but things that given a choice we would have changed. The nursery he has moved to was actually my first choice when we were putting Toby into full time childcare when I went back to work. The only reason we didn’t send him there was because it didn’t open early enough for me to drop him off and still get to work on time. Obviously that isn’t an issue now so it was no longer a reason to keep him where he was. The other main reason we have moved him is because this nursery is a lot cheaper than the old one! This doesn’t seem to have any ill effect on the care the children receive, and it means we can afford to keep Toby going four afternoons a week for the same cost as three afternoons at the old nursery. The other thing that influenced our decision was that the old nursery doesn’t receive council funding to provide children with their free hours of childcare when they are three and the new nursery does. Although we are planning to move back to England in the next year there’s a chance we’ll still be here when Toby turns three and it was easier to move him now than wait until he is three and there’s less chance of getting him a space.

Anyway, last Thursday we went along to the new nursery for a settling in session. We had told Toby what was happening but I don’t know how much he really understood. I think he was pretty confused when all the staff were giving him cuddles when he left his old nursery on Wednesday! On Thursday Barry had taken the afternoon off so we all went along. As soon as we got there Toby went off and started playing. I spoke to his key worker for a while and then we went and sat in the manager’s office for half an hour and left him to it – I don’t think he even noticed we weren’t there! When our hour was up we headed home again, Toby seemed like he’d enjoyed himself and we told him he would be coming back again the next day.

On Friday we went again. The plan was for Toby to stay at least three hours but that I would phone after two and if he was doing OK then he would stay to have his tea and do the full afternoon. When we pulled up in the car I told Toby we were at his new nursery – ‘new nursery’ he said and seemed quite happy to go in. In the hallway I was explaining to Toby that he had to change into his special ‘inside shoes’ (he didn’t have to do this at his old nursery), and I showed him the cool slippers that look like trainers that I’d got him. One of the staff came out and at this point Toby started saying ‘home’ and trying to pull me towards the door. He’s only just learnt to say home and what it means so he likes to use it, even if it’s not necessarily what he really wants. I told him we weren’t going home and we went into the toddler room where he’d had so much fun the day before. At first he clung on to me and refused to go and play. Then he had a spell of lying on the floor. After ten minutes or so he decided to go off and have a look at what there was to do. I stood up and he came back to cling to my leg again. Then he found something else to do. I probably could have sneaked off without him noticing but I don’t really like to do that, so I said goodbye, and he cried as I knew he would. He has been going his old nursery full time nursery for well over a year and still cried at least half the time when he was dropped off so I wasn’t too worried. I left him to it and sat in the car outside for a while just in case they rang me straight away to say he wouldn’t settle. No call came though so I headed home. I called them a couple of hours later and he was absolutely fine so we left him there to have his tea and do a full afternoon session.

Unfortunately this week hasn’t such plain sailing. It’s been a struggle some days to even get him in the door. Yesterday when we pulled up outside he started crying and saying ‘no nursery’ and then ‘me home’. When I left him he was really crying for me (and it was the same on Tuesday) but there have been no calls to collect him early and we’ve gone to pick him up they said it’s taken no more than five minutes for him to calm down. I’m sure there’ll be plenty more tears of drop off but as long as he continues to settle down quickly I know he’ll be fine. It doesn’t change the fact that leaving him crying is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and it doesn’t really get any easier.

I’m so proud of my biggest boy though. There have been a lot of changes in Toby’s life recently and he’s coping with it all so well. I guess he’s not my baby any more, my little boy is proper toddler and he’s a total superstar.

- Sarah 2 Comments

Living Arrows 40/52 (2015)

It’s been a fairly quiet week here, we’re slowly settling into some sort of routine. We’ve started putting Gabe to bed at the same time as Toby now which means we’re getting our evenings back and that couple of hours makes all the difference. Gabe is still sleeping really well at night too, although he’s not a huge fan of the daytime nap. I remember Toby was the same though – I spent a lot of time taking him for walks to get him to sleep in the first few months but from about three months his daytime sleep improved and he started napping in his cot without any trouble. I’m just hoping Gabe follows in his brother’s footsteps!

Speaking of Toby, he has moved to a new nursery this week. After a short settling in session on Thursday he went for a full afternoon on Friday and apart from a few tears when I dropped him off on Friday he was an absolute superstar. I hope he’s still so settled when we go back again tomorrow.

I managed a successful trip to toddler group with both boys this week too. I put Gabe in the carrier and he slept the whole time, and I had both hands free to play with Toby so it was much less stressful than the week before when I’d just been holding Gabe (after optimistically assuming I would be able to leave him in the pram!).

I had another outing on my own with both boys on Friday too. We went to the cafe in the big park in our town to meet up with two of the girls from our original NCT class. They both have toddlers the same age as Toby, and they’re both pregnant too. I wouldn’t say it was entirely stress-free – Toby was being a bit clingy and didn’t want to go into the little soft play that’s there, and then he was being a bit picky about the food I’d got him for lunch, and Gabe was crying while I tried to sort Toby’s lunch out because he wanted feeding, and Toby knocked a whole pot of yoghurt all over the table…but do you know what? We all survived, we went out, I did manage to talk to my friends a bit, everyone got fed and no one was hurt so I’m chalking that one up as a victory. Every time I go out with both boys on my own, whether it’s to toddler group, or a cafe or the supermarket, I think of ways I can make it easier for next time so things can only get better from here!

Anyway, to this week’s Living Arrows pictures…the first is Toby – today we went to one of those ceramic painting places near where we live. We didn’t do any painting but it’s got a nice little cafe and a small soft play area that is free and that Toby can just go and play in on his own. He was having so much fun in there and seeing him off playing on his own gives me a little lump in my throat – it really shows me how much my baby boy is growing up.

40_52 15 T

Of course my new baby boy is still very much a baby. He still looks really like Toby did when he was the same age, especially when he’s wearing Toby’s hand me downs. This sleepsuit was Toby’s before going to my friend’s twins, and now back to Gabe again. I reckon Gabe is even longer than Toby was though, his feet are at the bottom of this sleepsuit already and it’s 0-3 months! I wonder if he’s going to end up even taller than his brother?

40_52 15 G

Living Arrows
- Sarah 13 Comments

Breastfeeding: The beginning of the end

I’ve tried. No one can say I haven’t tried. But as I sit here at 5 am having been feeding a baby for the last hour and twenty minutes I think this is the beginning of the end for breastfeeding and me.

In fact, the beginning of the end was probably when I gave Gabe formula when he was just a day old. Or maybe it was when I started using nipple shields on his second feed. Or perhaps when a second or third bottle in the day became the norm rather than the exception about a week ago. Who knows?

I think maybe though that breastfeeding and me are just not meant to be. For me it’s just not the wonderful experience all the breastfeeding literature and baby books tell you it’s going to be. In fact, dare I say it, I simply don’t like it. I don’t feel any special bond with my baby as we sit ‘enjoying’ those breastfeeding cuddles. What I often feel is pain (because yes, even seven weeks on, with nipple shields, it still hurts half the time), and frustration that it takes so long to feed a baby in the way nature intended when I could bottle feed him in a third of the time. I don’t know, maybe cave women didn’t have much to do with their days so they could sit around feeding all day but I have a toddler to look after and a house to run and I just can’t sustain breastfeeding my baby for endless hours of every day.

I know everyone talks about the convenience of breastfeeding; no bottles to wash and sterilise, no formula to prepare, no need to plan ahead because you’ve always got milk on tap, and I suppose it is all those things but when every feed takes over an hour, feeding in public involves trying to get a baby latched on to a nipple shield without showing everyone your entire boob…then suddenly it’s not that convenient after all.

So I don’t really know where we’re going to go from here. I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time. Gabe is already getting half his feeds from a bottle and I reckon by the time he gets to 8 weeks old we won’t be breastfeeding at all.

And yes, it makes me a bit sad. I really hoped that breastfeeding was going to work out for us this time. By Toby’s six week check I wasn’t breastfeeding him at all so we’ve already made it further than that. So Toby was formula fed from about five weeks and he’s turned out OK and I’m sure Gabe will too. There’s still plenty to be proud of; that we made it this far, that I’ve managed to breastfeed in the park, and in the Night Garden(!), that I’ve tried my best to find a balance that works for all of us. I think I just need to accept that breastfeeding and me are not meant to be. But no one can say I didn’t try.

Breastfeeding and me