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Me & Mine: A Family Portrait (June 2015)

Oh dear, late again! We really need to get our act together to take a family picture earlier in the month! I had every intention of doing it when we went to a vintage car rally a few weeks ago but then Toby had a meltdown before we had chance, and then I was going to do it last weekend but we didn’t really do anything…and so finally we’ve ended up with a late iPhone selfie taken in the garden today! Next weekend is Toby’s birthday and we’ve got all the grandparents coming so I’m going to make sure I get a picture of all of us together and July can be an extended family Me & Mine. It will also be the last month of Me & Mine as a family of three (unless this baby is very late!) which is pretty exciting! Of course there’s always a chance that we won’t even make it to the end of July as a family of three – that’s actually quite a scary thought… I might have a baby this month!

Anyway, we didn’t really get up to much in June. It was my last month of work and it was a struggle just to get through the days sometimes so the weekends were mostly just chores, trips to the park, and catching up on sleep! So for now here’s June’s picture…

June 2015

- Sarah 3 Comments

Living Arrows 25/52 (2015)

Wow! Half way through the year already, how did that happen?

Today sees my last day at work, school finishes for the summer today (there are some advantages to living in Scotland!) and it couldn’t have come soon enough for me. Especially as Toby has treated us to another couple of nights of 3 am wake ups (complete with screaming tantrums) for the last few nights. I really have no idea how we are going to cope if he is still like this in six weeks or so when the baby is here!

This week’s Living Arrows picture is just Toby at home doing a bit of colouring – as you can see he’s not really decided if he prefers his left or right hand yet! I don’t very much arts and crafts or messy play at home (well none really!), colouring is about as adventurous as it gets in our house. I tell me it’s because Toby does plenty of that kind of thing during the week at nursery but mostly it’s just because I can’t stand the thought of the mess! I guess that might have to change in the autumn when he isn’t going to nursery every day but for now I think we’re all happy carrying on as we are…

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Living Arrows
- Sarah 1 Comment

Living Arrows 24/52 (2015)

Not very much to tell this week, we’re still just plodding on. I’m counting down the days until I finish work – only 5 work days to go!

After my confident statement last week about Toby’s sleep being much improved we’ve had a bit of a set back again this week. He has still slept through most nights (there was one night where he was awake at 2 am for about an hour) but he is back to taking an hour to settle down and go to sleep. And I’ve been having to sit on the floor in his room until he drops off otherwise he just screams and screams. This may well be because we have stopped giving him his bedtime bottle but as long as he is still sleeping all night we’re going to try and stick with it and hope he gets used to the idea quickly!

This week’s photo is just one I took at home. Toby loves sitting up at our dining table and was playing with his Duplo while I got the tea ready. He still likes his hats too – especially this one of mine which I think he looks super cute in…

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Living Arrows
- Sarah 3 Comments

From poppy seed to pumpkin: 32 weeks pregnant

Today I am 32 weeks pregnant, and I have some good news. I went for a scan to check the position of my placenta today and…. it’s moved which means I don’t have to have a caesarean! If you have been reading my previous pregnancy updates you’ll know this is something I was really worried about. I had almost convinced myself that the placenta wasn’t going to have moved so that I wouldn’t be too disappointed when they gave me the news. It took a while to find out as well. When the sonographer did the normal ultrasound the baby’s head was in the way so although she could see where the placenta started, and it was quite high up, she couldn’t see the all important lower edge. That meant I had to have an internal scan to get a better view and she measured the placenta as being 4.6 cm from the edge of the cervix. According to the doctor who we saw after the scan, if the placenta is on the front then a gap of 3 cm is enough but if it’s only the back (as mine is) then they need 4.5 cm before they will sign off on a vaginal birth.

I’m so happy my body decided to play nice and I can go back to thinking about where I would like to give birth rather than having that choice taken away with me. I’ve not really been thinking about the possibility of a home birth these last few months because I didn’t want to get my heart set on it for it not to happen. We now have the choice between the home birth or going to the midwife-led unit at the hospital where Toby was born. I still don’t really know what I think would be best at the moment, I swing from one to other every five minutes. I think I need to write down the pros and cons of each and see if that will help me come to a decision. I’m just thankful that I now get to make that choice.

Apart from the placenta news everything else was fine with the little man. We even got to see his face (sort of) on the ultrasound today. I’ve not been feeling too bad on the whole. I’m still getting ligament pains in my bump quite regularly, despite doing my best to avoid any movements that might bring them on. There are lots of wriggles and kicks still, although at times it’s a bit more squirming than anything else. Sometimes he manages to get himself in a really uncomfortable position that gives me pain in my bump, back and hip. It was really bad last weekend but a lie down helped him move and get into a different position. At least with only one more week at work to go I can hopefully get a bit more rest over the next couple of months and things won’t get too much more uncomfortable as the baby grows and has even less space to move!

I see the midwife again in two weeks and I’ll have another update then. Perhaps by then I might be nearer to making a decision about where I want to have this baby!

32 weeks pregnant

- Sarah 2 Comments

Nursery wobbles // an update

I was reading a post today by the lovely Eline at Pasta & Patchwork about how her 3 year old (affectionately known as the Bean) has been going through some separation anxiety as she gears up for a work trip away from home. It made me think about this post I wrote back in April about Toby’s nursery wobbles and I thought it was about time I wrote an update.

We’ve had a few more ups and downs since April but happily things seem to be settling down a lot now. There haven’t been any more staff changes at nursery recently and Toby appears to have got used to the new people. I’m sure it also helps that all his teeth have now come through, and eventually we got his awful nappy rash cleared up too.

There are still some days when he cries as I’m leaving but we aren’t having the same drama just getting his shoes on and into the car. Usually if there is something to distract him as soon as he arrives at nursery (a ball or balloons are sure fire winners here) then I can leave without so much of a shout. Sometimes he’s so distracted he doesn’t even say goodbye but often I get a wave accompanied by an enthusiastic ‘Die!’ (yeah, we need to work on that one!) or his new party trick which is blowing a kiss.

Toby is still eating everything they put in front of him at nursery (although hardly putting on any weight – should I be worried about that?). His naps have got even better too and he usually sleeps for about two hours in the afternoon.

Sleeping at night has improved too. We still have some nights when he won’t go to sleep unless I stay in the room, or nights when he wakes up, and frustratingly when he does wake up he tends to take ages to get back to sleep. Last night I ended up sleeping on his bedroom floor from half two until half three because he just stood up and started crying whenever I left the room. But on the whole he sleeps through a lot more than he doesn’t so I can cope with that. We’re also trying to do away with his bedtime bottle at the moment because I think at nearly two he really doesn’t need a bottle any more. We’ve started giving him milk in a cup when he gets in from nursery instead and then he has the hour or so before bed time to drink it.

So, although things still aren’t perfect they’re a big improvement from where they were a few months ago. Hopefully Toby will stay settled at nursery – we’re going to keep him going every day until after the baby is born so he has some stability and doesn’t have to deal with lots of changes all at once. He will be moving to part time in the Autumn but we’ve not decided exactly what days and hours that will be yet. I just hope he stays happy and we don’t go back to the days of screaming and crying every time he gets dropped off.

If your little one is having wobbles about nursery or other separation anxiety then, as hard as it is at the time just try to remember…

This too

- Sarah 2 Comments

Living Arrows 23/52 (2015)

I’m super late with this week’s Living Arrows again – it seems to be happening more often than not these days! I still haven’t missed one this year though, so I’m still winning as far as I’m concerned!

Although I’ve been having a rubbish time work-wise for the last week we did have a lovely weekend last weekend. My parents were up visiting (mostly because I’d roped my mum into helping me do a second-hand baby market with me) and they took the opportunity to try out their new caravan on a campsite in Callander which is about an hour away from where we live. We went out to see them on Sunday morning and Toby loved running around with his ball and looking at all the sheep with my dad. He loves balls at the moment – whenever he sees on he always says ‘a ball’. He’s not that bothered about playing, although he is pretty good at throwing and kicking, he mostly just likes to carry it around!

I don’t think Toby has seen a sheep in real life since he was about 10 months old but he knew what they were as soon as he saw them, and immediately started pointing and saying ‘sheeps!’ He’s learnt so many new words lately, in just the last week we’ve had bus, outside, garden, nappy, dirty, zip, burst, oh and Giggle for Iggle Piggle and Kaka for Makka Pakka on In The Night Garden, and probably some others too! He’s not putting words together much yet  – we do get ‘in there’ and ‘on there’ and he has said ‘where daddy?’ before too. I’m sure it won’t be long though before he starts properly talking and we can have a proper conversation with him (well, as much of a conversation as you can have with an almost two year old anyway).

In another breakthrough, despite another cold, Toby has slept all night all this week! He was up early last Sunday and then I think he woke once on Sunday or Monday night but every other night he has slept from about 7pm right through to the next morning. All his teeth are through now so I’m sure that’s helped but I really hope we’ve turned a corner and we’re all going to get a lot more sleep from now on!

I’ve got a few photos I wanted to share this week. This first one was taken at home while I was out at the market on Saturday morning, just look at that grin!

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The next one was on Sunday, running around with his ball…

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And lastly showing his grandad the plants (and momentarily giving up his ball!)

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Living Arrows
- Sarah 4 Comments

The one where everything seems a bit crap

OK, before I start I know I don’t really have anything to complain about in the grand scheme of things; I have a wonderful husband and an adorable son (and another one on the way). I have a lovely family and we are all healthy. We have a nice house and we earn enough to live comfortably… But that doesn’t mean that sometimes things can all just seem a bit, well, crap.

To start with this pregancy has been hard. It was hard enough last time when I was working full time but at least then I could come home and have a nap and be sure of a good night’s sleep. This time round I have Toby to look after too and even though he is two next month he still doesn’t consistently sleep through the night. And as helpful as Barry is, unfortunately for the last few months Toby will only settle if he wakes up in the night if I go to him – daddy just won’t do at 3am apparently! So I’ve been knackered for the entirety of this pregancy. There’s also been the fact that since the 20 week scan I’ve been dogged by a lingering sadness that it we aren’t having a girl (and it’s a disappointment I haven’t really felt I could talk about). On top of that has been the continuing worry about my low-lying placenta and as much as I try to remain positive about it I just don’t want to have a caesarean and it scares me that I might have no choice in the matter. And as the scan to find out if the placenta has moved gets nearer (next week!), I’m just getting more and more worried about it.

The lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones have really made it much harder for me to cope with anything over the last few months as well. I seem to burst into tears at the slightest thing, and I hate feeling like I’m so emotionally unstable. Added to which crying makes me wretch after a minute or two so it’s even less of a pleasant experience!

The other major source of crappiness at the moment is work. This year has been really really hard. I have been working full time at a school 45 minutes away, on a one year temporary contract. It’s not a great school and it’s in a deprived area. The behaviour of a lot of the kids is appalling and I’ve found it really hard to deal with at times. But I just kept thinking it’s only for a year and then I’ll be off with full maternity pay. Until a few weeks ago… The job I have been doing is going to become a permanent post for next year so I applied for the job. It took over a month for the school to arrange interviews. I thought I wasn’t really bothered if I got the job or not. I have no real desire to return after my maternity leave, and I was under the impression I would get full maternity either way, as was the case with my last pregnancy (albeit with a different council). And then a week before the interview the council told me if I didn’t get the permanent post I would only be entitled to statutory maternity pay and not the additional pay which would top it up to my full salary for the first 13 weeks of maternity leave. Suddenly the stakes were much higher.

I appreciate the school were in an awkward situation; if they gave me the permanent job they would also have to find someone else to cover my maternity leave. But equally, they couldn’t not give me the job just because I am pregnant. I thought I had fitted in well at the school and within the department, there haven’t been any issues with regards to my performance throughout the year as far as I am aware, so I thought I stood a good chance of being given the job. The interview on Friday morning seemed to go well but I got a phone call from the head teacher on Friday afternoon to tell me they were offering the job to someone else. I spent most of Friday evening crying. This feels much worse than applying for a job and not getting it. This feels like a judgement on everything I have done for the last year. It feel like the 50 mile commute every day, having other people look after my son for 9 hours a day (and paying half my salary for the privilege), the dealing with horrible, disrespectful kids day in day out, has all been a big waste of my time. I am still waiting for feedback from the head teacher about the interview and how they came to their decision. According to my head of faculty who was also on the interview panel the successful candidate ‘just had more to say’, which is no kind of reason at all. I am pretty convinced there are two main reasons why I wasn’t given the job; the first is that I’m pregnant and the second that I am at the top of the teacher pay scale. Of course they’ll never admit this and it’s going to be hard to prove but I’ll see what feedback I get and decide if I want to try and take it any further.

On a slightly more positive note, after carefully reading the document which sets out all the conditions related to teachers pay and employment conditions in Scotland it would seem I might be entitled to my full maternity pay after all. I have gone back to the council and I’m just waiting to see what they say. In my experience council HR departments are pretty useless and seem to rely on people just accepting what they say. My last employers found out that I’m not one of those people when I argued and argued until they eventually agreed to a £5000 redundancy payment after previously telling me they didn’t have a job for me and I wasn’t entitled to anything. I’ll see what this council has to say but I’m prepared for another fight if I need to be! As you can imagine though, any motivation I had to do my job has swiftly disappeared. Thankfully I only have two and half weeks to go until the start of the summer holidays and I am counting down the days!

Apologies for the brain dump, this probably should have been two separate posts but as you can see there has been a lot of crapness in my life lately and just getting it out of my brain has helped me feel a bit better about things. Hopefully in another couple of weeks things will start to look a bit more positive. I’ll be off work and I’m hoping I’ll get a bit of time to relax and catch up on some sleep. I’ll know one way or the other what is going to happen with baby boy’s birth and even if it is a caesarean I’ll know at least and be able to start preparing for it. And lastly, if I’ve read the policy correctly there should be some good news about my pay too.

And while I wait, I’ll try and remember this…

364d6-hope

 

- Sarah Leave a comment

From poppy seed to pumpkin: 30 weeks pregnant

I’m now 30 weeks pregnant (plus a few days), and I can’t believe that means there are only 10 weeks to go! I’m actually hoping this one comes a bit early like his brother did, I’m certainly hoping there’s more like 9 weeks left rather than 12!

30 weeks pregnant

Things are still ticking along nicely. I saw the midwife at 29 weeks and everything was fine. She couldn’t get a good position to hear the baby’s heart beat but we could hear the blood pulsing through the cord, and the little one was giving her a good kick at the time so there were certainly no concerns! The only thing that came up at the appointment was that I found out my placenta is actually overlying the cervix, not just low-lying as I’d thought. Apparently it was in my notes but the sonographer didn’t mention it at the 20 week scan. My extensive Googling on the matter (I know, I really shouldn’t) tells me that there is less chance of the placenta having moved if it is actually covering the cervix so I was quite upset about that. I had been holding on to the hope that it would have moved by the time we have the scan to check at the end of next week but it seems like that might be less likely than I’d hoped. I’ve been trying to think of all the advantages of having a caesarean in case that is the way it goes. So far I’ve come up with: 1) It will be easier to arrange for my mum and dad to look after Toby if I know when I’ll be in hospital and 2) I won’t be in agony every time I do a wee for a week after giving birth. That’s all I’ve got so far – can anyone help me out with any more advantages because I’m really still not sold on the idea!

Other than placenta worries I’ve been doing OK. My bump seems to be huge now, and my little monkey is still as wriggly as ever. It seems to be a bit more bums and heads than arms and legs most of the time now so isn’t quite as painful. I’m still getting some ligament pain in my bump, particularly if I’m lying on my side without support from a pillow, and when it comes it’s absolute agony. My lower back and hips have been quite sore lately too, particularly when I’ve been on my feet a lot which is somewhat unavoidable when I’m still teaching full time. I’m so looking forward to the summer holidays and starting maternity leave – less than three weeks to go now!

Emotionally I’m all over the place at the moment to. I seem to have been doing no end of crying over the last few weeks. Sometimes over things that are worth crying about, but mostly about the stupidest things. Barry is being a superstar about it all – he always knows when I just need a hug or when I’m crying about something daft and he can make a joke to cheer me up.

This post doesn’t seem to be very positive but really, everything is OK. It’s just hard being this pregnant with a demanding toddler and working full time with equally demanding teenagers!

My next update will probably be after I’ve had the next scan at 32 weeks to check the placenta. Hopefully I’ll have some good news but I’m trying my best to mentally prepare myself for it to be the news I really don’t want to hear.